This Isn't Over Till it Ends
by loopyem89
Summary: Andrea has to confront the biggest battle of her life
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so I am back with another multi chapter story. Enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think and if you're interested in reading more. All mistakes are mine and as per usual I don't own any of the characters etc**

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Miranda pursed her lips with dissatisfaction, the meeting to plan the coming month's issue of Runway was not going how she had hoped. Her team seemed to be lacking inspiration despite having the opportunity to showcase some of the most talked about fashions for the upcoming season. There were some days in which she wished she could reset and begin over and when Emily came rushing in and disturbing the meeting only a few minutes later she knew that today was going to be one of those days. If Emily valued her career she knew very well not to interrupt unless there was an emergency or if the Editor had specifically asked her to do so beforehand. Her assistant stood there for a second, obviously uncomfortable about whatever it was she was about to say.

" I do trust you are still able to effectively communicate things to me Emily, I have no intention of sitting here all day waiting for you to verbalise whatever it is you need to say."

"There was a call from the Presbyterian hospital, Andrea apparently collapsed in the Mirror offices earlier."

To the untrained eye Miranda appeared to remain emotionless, any distress by the news not shown for others to see. However Nigel who had been sitting across from her at the other end of the table saw the brief flicker of fear pass behind her facade upon hearing Emily's words and was quick to stand and follow the woman as she made a move to leave the room.

" You all have two days to come up with ideas worthy of being printed in Runway, we'll reconvene then and I require results. If you don't have any by then I don't expect you to come back. Failure will mean the termination of your career at this publication and any others for that matter."

Miranda hurried back to her offices, Nigel and Emily following in her wake.

"Did the hospital say anything else whilst on the phone?"

"Only that you were down as her emergency contact and she had asked for you."

Not even waiting for her assistant the Editor left her office and collected her own bag and coat.

"Call Roy, have him downstairs now."

"He's at the front ready and waiting." Again, Miranda was reminded of why she kept Emily as an assistant. The red was always able to anticipate her needs, only one other had been able to ever do that and she was now currently in a hospital waiting for .

"Nigel I trust you can manage anything pressing that comes up in my absence."

"Of course and Miranda whenever you have a chance, let me know what's happening and if there's anything we can do for you or six..."

"Of course, thank you my friend."

* * *

Miranda made her way through the emergency room of Presbyterian. The sound of her heels clacking upon the cold floors of such sterile surroundings seemed overtly louder than usual. Not a hair was out of place nor was there a single crease in the pin striped suit she had been wearing all morning. Her seeming calm demeanour overall not revealing the inner turmoil she was feeling as she approached the front desk.

"Can you show me to where Andrea Sachs is currently residing, my office received a call informing me she had been brought here from the Mirror."

A young nurse politely smiled as she pressed a few keys and looked at a computer screen.

"Of course but first of all I need to know who you are and whether you have any identification, I'm afraid only relatives are allowed on the upper floors at this time."

For once the Editor was cursing the fact that the woman appeared to be one of the few who paid attention to the the gossip rags, in particular Page Six.

"I am Miranda Priestly, Andrea Sachs is my wife and I would like for you to tell me why she appears to have been moved upstairs. Secondly I would appreciate it if you didn't delay me from seeing her anymore with your pointless questions. You already know she requested my presence since this hospital called me directly."

A doctor who had been writing in a file and had obviously overheard the exchange decided to step in before the nurse found herself out of a job.

"It's ok Diana, i'll deal with this. Ms Priestly i'm Dr Anderson if you would like to follow me I can take you to your wife and I can fill you in as we go along."

The two of them fell in step as they began heading down a corridor towards the lifts and pass numerous patients.

" I initially treated Andrea when she was brought in, she was complaining of nausea and an intense headache. She had apparently also had a severe nosebleed just before she collapsed."

" She has been complaining of a headache on and off for a month or so now. She assumed it was a migraine, the newspaper she works for had been stretching her lately and she's been coming home exhausted most nights."

The pair stepped into an elevator, Miranda thankful that no one else followed them in before Dr Anderson pressed a button to take them up.

" Well it may very well be something as simple as that. Such things affect us all differently however to be on the safe side once I was happy she was stable i sent her to neurology to be examined. She should be back from having her scans by now so I'll take you directly to her."

Miranda simply followed, unsure of what else to say. She knew Andrea had been unwell, only like the woman herself she had believed it was just a minor ailment and so had not shown much concern, instead just holding her wife and giving her comfort when it had been requested on those longest of days. Now as she made her way through the bland corridors of her surroundings a sliver of fear began to creep into her mind.

* * *

She found her wife sitting on the side of the bed, legs swinging back and forth looking rather alert. She had been expecting her to be lying down at least, machines beeping in the background, not sat up looking like she was just here as a visitor. However upon closer inspection she could see the red swollen eyes and evidence of dried tear tracts upon her delicate skin.

"Darling are you alright?"

Upon seeing the Editor Andrea's eyes lit up and she immediately stood to pull the woman towards her. While Miranda welcomed the embrace she also knew there was something more to it, her wife was almost desperately clinging onto her.

"Darling..."

"I love you Miranda."

Andrea had pulled back so she was facing the love of her life. She would often wake before the other woman in the morning and had gotten into the habit of just staring at her trying to memorise every little detail, line and feature of her wife. Miranda never revealed that she had on numerous occasions actually awoken during such moments and chosen to remain still whilst eyes wandered upon her. Now as they stood there in the hospital room it felt like one of those moments, expect this time Andrea wasn't hiding the fact she was trying to take in every part of Miranda.

"I love you too. Darling are you alright? I was told you were brought in after collapsing at the Mirror, I thought you were going to rest and work from home today?"

" I was but then I realised I left some things at the offices and so decided to go in for a little while. I honestly felt fine, it was only after an hour or so the headache started up again and then when I got up to leave I noticed my nose was bleeding and then things kind of just went black. I woke up on the way to the hospital."

"Dr Anderson said you'd been to have a scan? Have you been told anything?"

Upon hearing the question Andy stepped back and resumed her position on the bed, only this time pulling Miranda with her so as they were eventually sat beside one another. The younger woman purposefully curled herself into her wife's side and Miranda automatically wrapped her arm around the woman. It was then that Andy began to weep again.

Miranda turned slightly to see the tears falling down her loves face.

"Andrea….what's wrong?"

She had moved slightly so as to bring her hand up to rest against the side of the brunette face, her thumb slowly caressing the soft skin of her cheek, wiping away the tears that had escaped. The movement stopped however upon hearing the whispered words spoken from her wife.

"I have cancer."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the follows and reviews :-) Always good to know people are reading and interested in more. Hopefully I will be able to update this story fairly regularly. Again this chapter is unbeta'd but if there's anyone who would like to take on the job feel free to msg me :-)**

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Miranda barely had time to take in the news before the door opened and in walked another doctor.

"Ah you must be Miranda, I'm Dr Evans, a neurologist."

Any other time the woman would pay attention to his friendliness, his looks and how smartly dressed he was. More often than not these days it would be out of jealously, the desire for no one else to admire her Andrea but she. Possessive she may be but she was also not ignorant of her wife's beauty, after all she had been captured by it herself.

Dr Evans held out his hand for the Editor to shake, she however chose not to acknowledge it, choosing to keep her arms wrapped around Andrea. He instead gave her a small smile before moving across the room to flip a switch on the wall. A light box illuminated in front of them and Evans smoothly removed some scans from a folder he was holding and placed them on the board.

"I've had a chance to examine the MRI images a little closer Andrea. They show you have what we call a Glioma."

"What's.." Miranda had to clear her throat her throat from the lump that had settled there.

"What is that exactly? Cancer..?"

"I know the other doctor Andrea spoke to earlier to referred to it as cancer but to be more specific it's actually a tumour. We would normally take a biopsy in order to determine whether it is benign or malignant, in other wards cancerous. However in this case it's difficult given the location."

Andrea's heart sank, until now she had been quiet allowing Miranda to ask the questions she needed to know but now she was having to face the reality of the situation as it was laid out before her.

"Difficult how? Is it operable?"

Evans turned back to the scan, his fingers tracing over the image.

"The tumour has wrapped itself around the brain stem which complicates matters due to the importance it has in the body functioning. Think of it as a map made up of numerous nerves. Attempting a surgical procedure is extremely dangerous due to the risk of damaging one of these and if that happens you could end up with impaired abilities or paralysis. Worse cases scenario would result in death."

"Okaaayy." Andrea drew out the word and let out a shaky breath.

Miranda stood, turning her back upon the images and closed her eyes. Her body was tense, she was on edge and wanted nothing more than to take Andrea and just run but there was nothing she could do, no where they could hide that would shield them from the nightmare they had found themselves in. She gave herself a moment to try and regain some equilibrium and then found herself doing something she had been doing all her life; rallying against the impossible.

"I refuse to believe this, I don't accept it."

Andrea reached out to grab her wife's hand. If there was ever a time she needed her strength and the comfort of a simple touch then it was now.

"There must be something we can do."

Dr Evans turned back to the scans.

"Surgery has to be a last resort, the risk factors are simply too high. However we have the option of chemotherapy and radiation. Considering how long you have been suffering with symptoms and the size of the tumour now it appears to be slow growing. With some luck and an effective treatment plan it might be possible to stop, even shrink the growth. That may give us the option of surgery later on."

"So there is a chance I could get better?" Andrea felt unsure but she needed to know, she needed to know that there was at least a chance, that not all hope was lost.

Evans looked uncomfortably between the two woman in front of him. He had a duty to give the facts and while he enjoyed his job he also hated to be the bearer of bad news.

" I won't lie, the odds are not in your favour Andrea. The long term survival rates for people with this type of tumour is barely into double figures. You're going to have a battle on your hands."

The grip Miranda had on Andrea's hand tightened. The likelihood of her wife not beating this was terrifying her. And by the look on the younger woman's face, the Editor could tell she was feeling the same following the life altering news. If there was ever a time Miranda needed to live up to her ice queen image it was now, Andrea needed her more than ever and she would do all that was necessary to give her the love and support she required.

"Darling i'm going to make sure you get the best care possible. You're young, strong and until today relatively healthy, there is no reason why we cannot fight this."

The only thing Andrea registered in that sentence was 'we'. They would fight it together, with Miranda beside her she knew she could find the strength she needed to give herself a chance. She summoned the courage and smiled at wife before looking back at Dr Evans.

"So what's the plan?"

"Well I have a colleague at Sloan-Kettering who specialises in this sort of thing, a Dr Elaine Gulden. I can get in contact as soon as possible and we'll devise a plan of action."

Miranda nodded in agreement.

"She is one of the best Andrea, I was going to suggest her myself. We've met on numerous occasions at charitable dinners and her reputation is unprecedented. You'll like her I'm sure."

The brunette simply nodded her response, her faith in her wife meaning she had no questions about the plan.

"Good, we'll get treatment started as soon as possible. We'll be in touch to arrange everything. I know this news has come as a shock to you both. Take your time, there's no need to hurry out." He gave them an apologetic smile to try and make up for the fact he delivered some of the worst possible news they could have heard. Andrea was at least grateful and gave a half smile back whilst Miranda just gave him one last look before he left the room. The two women were now left in complete silence.

They still hadn't let go of one another and as Andrea tugged Miranda back down to sit next to her she took a moment to observe the Editor. She could see what the woman was trying to do; taking in the news, compartmentalising and pushing forward. It was a coping mechanism she knew her wife used all the time, every day. But this wasn't a normal day and this wasn't a simple bit of news that could be pushed aside. Miranda was hurting too and Andrea wouldn't allow the woman to bury her pain to try and save her the anguish of seeing it.

"We'll fight this Miranda, you said it yourself. We'll fight it. I don't want you thinking about the worst case scenario. The treatment will work and yes things may be bleak for a few months but it will all be worth it in the end."

For the first time since Dr Evans left the room Miranda turned and looked at the woman she loved. She ran the back of he free hand delicately over her wife's cheek before tucking a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"I can't lose you Andrea...Not now."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ah sorry for the delay in uploading the next chapter. A 3 day working trip to Paris turned into a 2 and a half week long vacation across France...Again this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. **

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**Chapter 3**

The two women had retreated to their bedroom once they had arrived home. It was only the middle of the afternoon and Andrea had insisted that Miranda return to Runway but the Editor was having none of it. Given the news they had just received there was no way she was going to leave her wife on her own. Furthermore she knew that getting any work done in the office would be futile. Instead she had insisted in accompanying in Andrea to their room where she could rest in comfort and keep her company. As her wife settled upon the top of the duvet Miranda grabbed a light weight blanket to lay on top of them both to keep the chill at bay. She then proceeded to settle into their favourite position to sleep, Andrea on her side with Miranda spooning from behind.

"We'll have to tell the girls. I don't want to keep them in the dark."

"I was thinking the same thing. We can't keep this from them. They will soon realise that something is wrong, you know what they are like."

"Of course I do, they're miniature versions of you; beautiful, perceptive and wickedly smart." Miranda smiled a little at the thought.

"I think it's best to tell them once we know for certain what is going to happen, that way we can prepare them and answer any questions they may have."

Andrea only murmured her agreement. Her attention had become focused on the photograph sitting on the small table on her side of the bed. Her wedding day. They had many a photo from the day but this had been her favourite, so much so she even had a copy on her desk at The Mirror. She lovingly had her arms wrapped around her new wife from behind as she looked into the camera, while Miranda on the other hand gazed up at her bride with nothing but adoration in her eyes. The beaming smiles they both wore reflected just how perfect it had been for them. The Editor had offered her the big white wedding but when it came down to it Andrea knew that wasn't what she had wanted. Instead they had retreated to the Hamptons with a small group of family and friends. The press didn't even catch on until a few weeks later when they had been spotted out at an event wearing their wedding rings. It had been a day filled with promises of a lifetime together but now as she laid there in the arms of the woman she loved she wasn't even sure if she would be able to fulfil them all.

"Miranda..." Andrea stopped. The tears were inevitable and her voice was only a whisper as she struggled to get the words she wanted to say out.

"I've never been more scared in my life."

Miranda couldn't help but close her eyes as she gave the woman's hand a squeeze before placing a soft kiss to the back of her neck

"I know Darling, I am too." She tried to hold back the tears herself but to no avail.

"Andrea, I love you. I love you so much."

The younger woman turned to face her lover and held on tight.

Miranda was the first to get herself together. She drew backed away a little, kissed Andrea's forehead and then placed light kisses over her eyes and cheeks brushing away the new tears as she went.

"Darling, please don't cry. Please… You have to believe me that this isn't over till it ends. We're going to fight this with everything we have, we'll do what must be done. " She again wrapped her arms around Andrea's neck giving her young love the comfort she sought.

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Miranda quietly left the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Andrea had finally drifted back to sleep and she wanted to leave the woman to get as much rest as possible. She resisted the urge to go back in, spoon her wife and pretend that all was ok. There were things that needed to be done and plans that needed to be made. Retreating downstairs to the next floor she made her way to her study to make a couple of calls.

The first call was to check in with Emily to ensure nothing had turned into a disaster at Runway following her early departure. After determining everything was satisfactory and listing off numerous instructions for her assistant to accomplish, she asked to have Nigel put on the phone.

"Miranda is everything alright? How is Six?"

Leaning forward on her desk to rest her head in her hand the Editor let out an uncharacteristic sigh.

"Nigel I would appreciate it if you could come over to the town house, there are a few things we need to discuss. Just let yourself in quietly, you'll find me in the study."

"Of course Miranda, I'll be over right away."

* * *

Nigel was hesitant as he entered the town house. He knew something was off with his boss from the sound of her voice on the phone and her choosing to not answer his question on Andy made him speculate that something was clearly wrong.

Moving through the house he had visited so many times before, he made his way to Miranda's study. He gently knocked on the door, only entering when he heard the quiet summon for him to do so. Immediately he could tell something was wrong. His friend of over twenty years looked dispirited and barely acknowledged him as he came to sit in front of her. It wasn't a side of Miranda he was accustomed to often. In fact the last time he saw her so downcast was after the end of her first marriage to the twins father. Ever since she had kept a tight rein on her emotions, only letting her guard down on the most rarest of occasions.

"Miranda are you ok? Where's Six?" For the first time since he had entered the study the Editor looked at him and Nigel could see she had been crying.

"She's upstairs resting. I asked you here because there are things we need to discuss, however i'm not sure how to..." She trailed off, at a loss on how to explain everything.

Nigel knew he was right with his guess that something was terribly wrong and now he could tell for sure by the way his boss's shoulders had hunched in anticipation of whatever it was she was about to reveal. Unable to look her friend in the eye, Miranda instead had shifted her gaze onto the band she wore on her ring finger.

"Lately Andrea hasn't been well, she's been experiencing severe headaches and such. We passed it off as exhaustion from work. Turns out that wasn't the case."

Nigel subconsciously shifted forward in his chair as Miranda pressed on.

"After she collapsed at the Mirror this morning they did some tests and the doctors have determined she has a brain tumour."

Nigel exhaled loudly and leaned back.

"How bad is it?" Miranda again wouldn't meet his gaze and didn't answer immediately. In truth she had been avoiding trying to think about Andrea's chances of survival.

"It's not good."

"Miranda I'm so sorry." What else was there for him to say, he knew how unfair the world could be and now it seemed the universe had dealt his two friends with one of the cruellest of blows.

He studied Miranda has she attempted to gather her thoughts. He could see how she was trying to get her self into Editor in Chief mode, yet he could see through the facade, see the pain she was going through and he wondered with her being strong for Andy, who was there to comfort her.

"As you can imagine the next few months are going to test us all. A plan needs to be put in place so that Runway doesn't suffer."

Nigel sighed, he wouldn't allow his friend to bottle it up. He leant forward placing his hand on top of hers where it rested on the desk.

"It's alright Miranda, you don't have to hide from me. Surely you know by now you can trust me. I'm your friend and I want to help."

Miranda wasn't sure whether it was the attempt of comfort from her friend or simply the days events catching up with her but either way she suddenly stood, her temper seeming to get the better of her as she raised her voice.

"Its not alright, I just don't understand why it is happening to her! My wife has cancer Nigel, cancer and its slowly going to kill her unless the doctors can do something and after speaking to one today its looking doubtful!"

As the Editor finally vented her anger and despair at her friend, neither heard the study door open as the woman in question appeared in front of them.

"Miranda?"


	4. Chapter 4

**I am back! Apologies for having to wait so long for an update, illness, holidays, work...it has all been working against me. Anyway, hopefully updates will be more frequent from now on so I hope you'll be along for the ride. Not beta'd so all mistakes are my own and as usual I don't own a single thing...Enjoy =)**

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**Chapter 4**

The Editor moved out from behind her desk as her younger wife came into the study.

"Darling I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I had a call on my cell from Dr Gulden. She's outlined the treatment plan and asked that I be at the hospital first thing on Monday morning. Why were you shouting?"

Miranda stepped in close, taking her hands gently and unconsciously beginning to rub small circles with her thumbs.

"It was nothing of significance love, Nigel and I were just discussing a few things and I let my temper get the best of me for a second."

She wasn't about to tell her wife how terrified she was, how the thought of losing her would likely leave her lost and unable to carry on. Andrea on the other hand was not to be fooled, she knew the Editor was likely doing everything in her power to hide her own insecurities and fear so as not to burden her any further but she was not having any of it. They were partners and had a marriage built upon trust and mutual respect. She wouldn't be able to deal with what was happening if Miranda insisted on trying to shield her from her own feelings. Pulling the Editor to the sofa off to the side of the room Andy turned to Nigel.

"Could you just give us a few minutes. I know you probably have questions but I need to speak to Miranda alone for a second."

He stood quickly, sensing his friend's desire to comfort her wife. If there was one thing he admired about Andrea then it was her willingness to do all she could to put Miranda at ease whatever the situation. He moved and placed a gentle hand upon Andy's shoulder, a gesture she greatly appreciated.

"Thanks Nige."

"Of course, i'll be in the kitchen whenever you need me."

Hand in hand the two of them sat in silence. Today they had both received life altering news, not just Andy and whether the Editor liked it or not she couldn't hide from the fact that she was affected too.

" I know you're scared Miranda, we've established that but you have to talk to me, you have to tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."

She leaned across the gap between them, bringing up her hand to the Editor's soft cheek before pressing forward until their lips touched. Her wife's response was immediate and soon Andrea's tongue was granted entrance. As always the younger woman felt intoxicated and moaned at the feeling, a feeling she could never tire of.

Before long they broke apart. Andy kept her hand in place as she guided Miranda up to look at her.

"Talk to me my love?"

Miranda sighed as she looked into her wife's eyes

"Andrea you are the love of my life. I would do anything for you, I would protect you from anything. I would do anything you asked me to and yet here we are now and I'm powerless to do anything."

"That's not true Miranda, you're here now aren't you? You're not planning on running out that door and never coming back are you?"

The displeasure at such comments was evident on the older woman's face.

"Don't be absurd Andrea, of course not. Did I not just tell you that you were the love of my life."

A small smile appeared as Andrea placed a kiss upon her wife's forehead before resting her own against it.

"And you are mine, and you've just proved my point Miranda. You are not powerless. You are standing by my side like always as my protector. Your fierce blue eyes, your witty remarks, your sarcasm, your laughter, your gentleness...That is what is going to help me through this Miranda. I just need you to be you."

Miranda wrapped Andrea into a fierce hug.

"You are amazing darling," she whispered into long brown locks.

"I think that's why you are a journalist, you always know what needs to be said."

Andrea would normally acknowledge such a statement with a witty retort but now didn't feel like the time for such. Instead she kept silent as she remained safe in the arms of her love. It was as if they were steeling themselves for what was about to come in the days, weeks and months ahead.

It was Miranda who moved back eventually to look again at her wife.

"This isn't right Andrea."

"What do you mean."

"It's selfish of me but I took comfort in the fact if everything went according to plan I would go first, I wouldn't have to face a life without you."

"Oh sweetheart..." They were once again in each others arms. At last Andrea knew what Miranda feared most and as much as want to deny and reassure the woman they both knew she couldn't.

"Miranda I wish I could say that everything is going to be fine, that I am not going anywhere anytime soon but I can't. What will come will come. I can't kid myself nor you. However what I do know is that people live with cancer. They carry on, and so will I and so will you. You'll continue to be the fierce Editor in Chief I love and I'll work and try to be the journalist you are so enamoured with."

For the first time since she had heard the devastating news Miranda smiled a genuine smile as she breathed in Andrea's scent.

"You know I've got things to finish, to prove to myself, to my family, but for my own reasons. And so I will fight this with everything I have, after all this isn't over until it ends right?"

Miranda gathered her bearings before pulling back and once again taking Andrea's hands into her own. She looked down to see where her young love wore both her engagement and wedding rings, remembering fondly the moments when she had placed them both there. She couldn't help but bring them up to her lips and place a kiss there. For better or for worse, there was nothing else to say.

"Absolutely. I love you Andrea Sachs and I'll be here every step of the way. No matter what."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far you guys =) Again unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own  
**

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**Chapter 5**

Monday morning dawned cold with overcast skies. As Andrea peered out of the hospital window from where she laid upon the bed, she knew snow wasn't far off. The frigid temperatures outside seemed to linger indoors and she couldn't contain the shiver that made its way through her.

"You're cold," the Editor's voice was a little troubled. Seeing her wife in such circumstances had seemed to unnerve her usual stoic self outside the setting of their home.

They were approaching the two hour mark since Andrea had been set up with her treatment. All she had to do was lie there as a tube snaked its way out of her arm and pumped the drugs that were supposed to help, into her body. Dr Gulden had explained it all but she hadn't really been able to take it all in. Turning at the sound of her wife's voice Andy could see that Miranda felt out of place and uncomfortable at being in the hospital. However she had insisted that she would accompany the younger woman to her first chemotherapy treatment; secretly Andrea had been relieved and more than grateful at having her by her side. Even if silence reigned in the room, it was uncomfortable. They were used to spending time together quietly without the need for mindless chatter. More often than not it was the way they worked in the evenings; the Editor perusing the book and the journalist writing her articles. It was comforting to them both, the need for companionship without the unnecessary conversation.

"Just a little." There was no use in Andy lying, she knew the other woman had been watching her like a hawk despite the pretence of doing work as she sat. Miranda nodded, moved to pull out a blanket from the large bag sat at her side and then stood from her seat. As Andy lifted her arms gingerly trying not to disturb the needle, the blanket was gently placed across her lap.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"You're welcome darling." Miranda placed a delicate kiss to her temple before moving to sit back down. As the minutes began to pass Andrea felt her eyes growing heavy and she didn't bother to fight against it. A chair scrapped across the floor and then the next thing she knew a smooth palm was sliding across her own. Like she had done a million times before, Miranda began rubbing her thumb in soothing circles across her skin and Andrea as usual couldn't help but relax at the touch. As her wife continued with her silent ministrations she drifted off into slumber.

* * *

Voices began filtering through her conciousness. She knew she shouldmove, try to open her eyes and engage but she didn't want to fully wake from the comfortableness of sleep or disrupt the soothing action Miranda was still engaged in at her side.

"How's she doing Miranda?" The Editor's eyes remained locked on the woman in front of her, not wanting to move in case her wife needed her.

" Fine as can be Elaine, at least for now." The Dr moved further into the room, examining Andrea's vitals and given her chart a once over.

"Everybody reacts differently to treatment, especially on their first round."

"And after..." It was a question that Miranda needed to ask but didn't really want the answer to.

"Side affects are different for everyone. Andy might not notice anything or she could feel nauseous straight away. In other cases symptoms of the treatment might not even occur until a few days after. There really is no way of knowing."

"I see...Well whatever occurs she has me to help her through it." The determination in the older woman's voice was clear and Andrea couldn't help but smile inside.

"She's very lucky to have you Miranda."

For the first time the Editor looked up to where Dr Gulden stood.

"No," she disagrees. "I'm the lucky one."

The Doctor herself smiled before moving to leave the room.

"Just call me if anything comes up Miranda, you have my number. And take care, you will be no help to your wife if you run yourself into the ground."

They were alone once again and as Miranda continued the ministrations to her hand once more, Andrea allowed herself to be pulled into to sleep again.

Not long later a soft touch to her cheek woke her.

"You're all done my darling, how are you feeling?"

As Andrea groggily sat up she took stock of herself. The coldness was still there but apart from that she felt fine for now. A nurse was busy detaching her from the machines that would allow her her freedom once again.

"I'm ok." She grasped her wife's hand firmly as she made to stand up, hoping a sudden head rush after lying on the bed for so long wouldn't bring her back down again.

"I'll be seeing you both in a few days then?"

"Oh I don't know if Miranda will..."

"We'll both be here, thank you nurse." The Editor cut her off smoothly, as she did so many times a day to the Runway staff. Andrea took a chance to glance at the other woman. They hadn't really spoken about it, Andrea was a journalist, she didn't necessarily need to be chained to her desk to do her job. Miranda on the other hand had a fashion magazine to run, an entire company relied upon her input, her presence, her vision to do their jobs. She couldn't spend hours at a time away from the office.

As they made their way out of the room and to the elevators Andy couldn't help but look at her wife questionably.

"Darling I don't know why you seemed so surprised, I'm going to be here for you. At your side as your protector remember?"

Andy looked thoughtful as she pressed the down arrow.

"But what about Runway?"

Miranda let out sigh as the doors to the elevator closed.

"You are more important than Runway Andrea. I will still do as much work as I can but Nigel will be stepping up his responsibilities, so will Emily when I tell her. As much as I would like to keep the matter private for yours and the girls sake I will also have to appraise the board of the situation at hand. If it becomes necessary I will take a leave of absence."

"oh.." Andy's voiced trailed off

Miranda turned to pull her love in close.

"Don't be so stunned Andrea. I meant what I said previously, anything and everything remember."

She placed a hand at the small of her wife's back and gently guided her wife out where Roy was ready and waiting. She didn't care what Miranda said to Dr Gulden, she was definitely the lucky one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Again unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. If anyone is interested in being a beta then please feel free to message me. Any help would be appreciated. On with the story we go...  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Upon entering the town house Miranda was met with silence. The twins had called earlier in the day to arrange a sleepover and she hadn't had the heart to say no to them. She knew It would also give Andrea and her the time to go over what they were going to tell the two of them regarding her illness.

Following Andrea's first round of treatment that morning, Miranda had gone into the office but only after her wife had cajoled her into doing so. The fact the brunette hadn't greeted her at the door led to her being hopeful that she was following her earlier advice from the afternoon and resting. The woman had been exhausted by the time they had returned home from the hospital and Miranda made quick work in sending her to bed to lie down. Turning to put her coat and bag away, Cara soon emerged from the kitchen down the hallway.

"Good evening Miranda. Dinner is in the oven all ready for when it is needed. I trust there will be nothing else you need before I leave? "

"No, that will be all for today. Does Andrea know dinner is ready?"

"I haven't seen her not since you left for work this afternoon and she went to lie down. I presumed she was a little under the weather so didn't want to disturb her."

The Editor frowned a little. Even if sick it was unusual for Andy to completely lock herself away and make no appearance at all. Bidding Cara farewell she proceeded to climb upstairs to the bedroom she shared with her wife. Upon reaching it the room was empty although the bed had obviously been recently slept in given how haphazardly the sheets had been left. She stood still for a moment and listened. It was then she heard a sound come from the bathroom and looked to see the light shining from under the door.

"Andrea?" She tapped gently on the door "Andrea, may I come in?"

When there was no answer forthcoming Miranda turned the handle and pushed gently. The sight that greeted her was enough to make her rush across the tiled floor to where her wife was laying, back up against the bath.

"Andrea, darling." She breathed softly, kneeling down trying not to startle the other woman. Andy didn't seem to notice her presence until she felt the Editor gently rub a cloth across her skin trying to wash away the clammy sweat that had appeared since she had been lying there on the floor.

"I'm sorry" She murmured.

"It's ok, you have nothing to be sorry for."

Dr Gulden had discussed the possible side affects but it wasn't enough to prepare Miranda for seeing her young love suffer from them first hand. Contrary to the Ice Queen persona the press and her employees had conjured up over the years, Miranda had been in such a position before; consoling her daughters when they had gotten sick in the past. Now she was repeating it, holding up brunette tresses, murmuring soft nothings in the hope of soothing her wife as she was hunched up on the floor stricken by the very treatment that was supposed to help save her life. She didn't know how long they stayed there like it or how many times Andrea was sick but when she saw tears running down pale cheeks, Miranda wanted nothing more than to curse whatever possible entities or powers that may of existed. The worst part was that she knew it was only the beginning and that most likely, things were only going to get worse.

Eventually Andrea, exhausted from her exertions, fell asleep with her head resting against the Editor's chest. Miranda waited awhile wanting to make sure she was completely asleep before attempting to manoeuvre them to the bed. It took some effort but she's able to carry her precious cargo back into the other room, gently lying her down before grabbing a comforter and taking up residence beside her.

* * *

The early morning found Andrea standing by a kitchen window next to the patio doors. One hand was lightly resting against the sill and she could feel the slight chill seeping through the glass. The dark cold months of winter were creeping in and she longed for the warm glow of the reds and oranges that summer brought. She longed to be out in the garden under a setting sun with the fragrant smell of the flowers around as she lied in the arms of her love. Now as she stood looking out at the barren trees as the sun rose and the sky shifted from the indigos and pinks to the eventual blue that signalled a crisp beautiful morning, she hoped she would see such days in the future.

She was tired and exhausted. The side affects of the treatment had been debilitating but made worse when Miranda had found her lying across the bathroom floor. Yet her wife didn't falter or appear to batter an eye lid. She instead witnessed the care, concern and kindness that the woman so often tried hard to mask in her role as Editor in Chief of Runway. She loved her for it and knew there was no one she wanted by her side more than Miranda Priestly.

Andy tried to ignore the twinging sensation behind her eyes as she heard the sound of familiar footsteps descending through the town house. It was another reminder that all was not right in her world and she didn't want to acknowledge it more than she had already after the previous night. The constant headache she now appeared to have didn't help either. It left her struggling to concentrate and frustrated when she could not find peace from the invariable pain it brought with it.

She didn't need to turn around to know that Miranda had entered the room. She could feel the woman's searching eyes upon her, giving her the once over, no doubt seeing the lingering effects of the chemo slightly.

Whilst Miranda could sense her wife was still fragile, she also couldn't help but think how beautiful she still looked in the early pale morning light as it began peeking through the window. She reached forward, pulling her into an embrace to hold her close. It was being able to feel her, actually _feel _her that allowed her mind to be eased and the events of the previous night to be put in the past.

She pressed a kiss to the exposed skin of Andrea's neck as the other woman remained examining the trees outside.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I was last night." Andrea turned in the arms that surrounded her so as to face her wife.

"We should tell the twins tonight. I won't be able to hide this from them and I don't want to either. They have a right to know what's going on."

"I agree, we'll sit them down and tell them together." Uncharacteristically, Miranda hesitated with what she was about to bring up next. There was no easy way to go about it and so she decided that as was often so customary of her, the direct approach would be her best option.

"What about your parents? Do you not think they have a right to know as well?"

The other woman immediately disentangled herself from Miranda and began busying herself behind the kitchen counter.

"Andrea darling..."

"No." The brunette forcefully shook her head and regretted it instantly. The pain behind her eyes intensified and black spots appeared in her line of sight. She had to stop and let things settle before she was able to continue, Miranda could do nothing but patiently wait.

"You already know I don't want to tell them until we fully understand what the long term prognosis is. We haven't spoken in five years, I'm sure another few weeks won't make an ounce of difference."

"Andrea." There was exasperation in her tone. " Despite what I think of them and how they treated you I do think a brain tumour at least warrants a phone call."

Andy knows that Miranda is only concerned and she is touched that in spite of all that had happened between them and her parents, the Editor would still think to include them. However she was adamant that she would refrain from contacting them unless it was absolutely necessary.

"You're still their daughter Andrea..."

"Miranda," Its a plea, a firm one and the older woman knew for now to back off and leave it be. She instead moved to once again take her wife into her arms.

"I'm sorry to upset you." She brought a hand up to caress a soft cheek and moved forward to soundly kiss the woman she loved. Andrea wrapped her arms around her neck like she had done so many times before and they remained holding and kissing one another until the sound of the front door forced them to eventually part. Cara was, as usual, nothing but prompt with her arrival and after greeting them both began pottering about like any other day.

"I think I might go back upstairs and lie down for a while." Miranda intertwined her hand with Andy's and lead them towards the stairs. Andrea knew she would likely spend most of the day resting and so encouraged the Editor to go into work as normal and terrorise the Runway staff. Once back in their room, Miranda helped the younger woman back into bed and couldn't but help place a delicate kiss to her forehead as she pulled the duvet up around her.

"Sleep," she whispered. Andrea vaguely mumbled something and then there was silence in the room. As she left to begin her work day, Miranda turned to take one last look at where her wife was laying and let out a sigh. Their fight was only now just beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here we are, another chapter for your enjoyment. Thanks for all the reviews/follows. As usual all mistakes are my own. **

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The twins could tell something was going on. When they had returned home that afternoon and saw Andy was there, alarms bells were set off. The journalist had also barely spoken to them, a quick greeting in the kitchen before she had made her way back upstairs. Caroline couldn't be sure but it appeared to her as though the other woman had been crying. Cassidy on the other hand just put it down to the young woman having a bad day at the office, hence her reason for being home before they were. It wasn't until their mother had returned in the evening that Andy reappeared and even then they could both tell something was off. The pair of them weren't their usual exuberant selves after meeting up after a long day apart. Even dinner that evening had so far been a subdue affair. A few words to ask them about their day was all that had been spoken; not the usual raucous laughter and joking that was so often the norm since Andy had come into their daily lives.

"Girls me and Andrea need to talk you both."

The twins looked at one another before turning to their mother. Miranda had reached across to take her wife's hand into her own. Andrea let her head fall. She obviously didn't not want to be discussing whatever it was.

"You're getting a divorce aren't you?" Cassidy said. At that comment Andy was quick to speak.

"No of course not, what even makes you think that. I love your mom, I love you guys. You three are the most precious things in my life, I would never ever leave you by choice."

It was those words that brought her back to topic in her mind. Miranda gave her a tender look before clearing her throat and focusing back on the the girls. Andrea too forced herself to look away from those blue orbs that captivated her so and sweep her gaze back to the rest of her family.

"Girls you know Andrea hasn't been very well of late, the headaches, tiredness and such. Well she has been to see a Dr and I'm afraid the tests revealed some bad news." She felt the younger woman stiffen beside her, no doubt in anticipation of how the twins were going to react.

"Miranda let me..." Andrea flashed her a brief smile before moving back to look at the two girls who she considered to be her own daughters.

"The Dr said that I have a tumour in my brain and that's what has been making me sick."

Cassidy seemed to become angry, her hand turning into a fist as she stared at her parents. Caroline on the other hand had sat back and chose not to look at them as she spoke.

"Is it bad? Are you going to die?"

What was they to say. She didn't want to lie and Miranda and her had agreed that they wouldn't hide anything from the girls. They were old enough to understand things, then again how do you tell two fourteen year olds that the odds weren't in her favour.

"It's not good." Miranda answered for her. "However Andrea is receiving the best treatment possible and we're all going to help her to fight this battle."

Caroline was quick to jump out of her chair and run out of the room. Miranda immediately stood to chase after her but Andrea moved to stop her.

"Let me go talk to her. You stay here with Cassidy, I'm sure she could do with a hug, right sweetie?"

The girl in question was soon out of her chair as well and crossing over to where her mother sat. Miranda pulled her in close as she sought comfort. Andy leant down and placed a gentle kiss upon both of them before leaving the room to follow Caroline.

Andrea leaned against the bedroom door. Like was the case with a lot of things these days, she didn't want to be having this conversation, especially with someone as young as Caroline. However she and Miranda agreed that trying to shield the twins from it all would do them no good in the long run.

* * *

"Caro, can I come in?

There was no answer but she turned the handle anyway after hearing the strangled sounds coming from the occupant of the room.

"Oh sweetie.." Caroline was there sitting at the edge of her bed, tears streaming down her face. Andy was there immediately enveloping the young girl into her arms, holding her tightly and rubbing soothing circles across her back. She rocked them both gently, her voice breaking slightly as she tried to comfort Caroline.

"Shh, I have you."

After a little while, when the crying had subsided she pulled back and patted Caroline on the cheek, helping her to clear the evidence of tear tracts upon her face.

"I don't want you to die." Tears formed in her own eyes at the words and Andy was hating herself for being the reason behind them. She reached out and pushed back strands of red hair, tenderly tucking it behind an ear.

"It's going to be ok Caro I promise. Whatever happens we'll all get through it. It's not going to be easy but we have one another and that's the most important thing. I'm not alone and neither are you or your sister."

"Andrea's right Bobbsey." Miranda and Cassidy appeared and made they're way over to where the others were sat.

"No matter what, we are all in this together. Andrea has us and that is going to make all the difference."

Each of the twins manoeuvred themselves into Miranda and Andy's lap. They were really too big for such things anymore but considering the emotional turmoil they were likely going through the two of them understood the need for having them close.

"We'll do what must be done. We are a family and we'll get through this" The twins nodded silently and as they all cried together the younger woman reached across to her wife. The next few months were going to test them all.

* * *

As Miranda made her way to bedroom she shared with her love she took a moment to check in on the girls one last time. She and Andrea had sent them to bed a couple hours earlier after they had spent the rest of the evening explaining her treatment and what would likely happen. She placed a kiss on each of their foreheads and adjusted the covers over them. They might be teenagers now but they would always be her young babies in her eyes.

She reached the bedroom expecting to find Andrea already asleep, however the young woman was sat on the bed, face contorted in pain.

"Darling are you alright?"

Andy found it hard to concentrate with the pounding in her head and her breathing coming hard and fast.

"It hurts." Miranda came to sit behind her and the woman was quick to lean back and fall into her. She began massaging the base of her neck, trying to ease the tension and pressure that had built up over the last few hours. Eventually Andy felt the pain lessen, muscles loosen and she was able to relax into the touch of her wife. Th headache was still there but it had gone back to being the dull, throbbing, constant reminder that all was no longer well in her world. Her head felt heavy and her eyes were just wanting to close. She vaguely felt herself being lowered onto the bed and a blanket being wrapped around her. Miranda soon joined her under the covers. She felt a kiss to her temple and then warm arms wrap around her middle. Tomorrow the reality of the situation would once again have to be faced but for now she was safe. Miranda was beside her and it was Miranda's voice that allowed her to drop off into slumber.

"Rest my love, I'll be here when you wake."


	8. Chapter 8

**Here we are, another chapter for your enjoyment. Illness prevented me from posting but hopefully the updates will be a little more regular again from now on. One again thanks for all the reviews/follows. As usual all mistakes are my own  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Andy slowly came to as the morning light filtered through the window. It had been four weeks. Four weeks of chemo, four weeks spent hooked up to IV wires and never ending hours in a sterile hospital room. Four weeks and numerous nights spent in the bathroom being held by her wife as she could do nothing but limply settle on the titled bathroom floor as the side affects of the treatment took over her body. Miranda had been there for her though every step of the way. Every treatment she accompanied her, sat by her side and gave the comfort she needed and not necessarily with words. Miranda didn't judge or stare. Miranda simply made her feel safe. It was her devotion that was carrying her through the worst of moments. There had been fleeting moments at the beginning when she had thought about walking away, freeing Miranda and the girls from the life of medical terminology, pain and illness she had brought into their home. But then she would be overcome by the love. A love that had been given to her freely long before the weight of a brain tumour had settled itself into their lives. Walking away was not an option.

She let out a quiet sigh. It was hard to imagine that four weeks would bring so much change. She had been forced to walk away from The Mirror after she was no longer able to concentrate on her writing or even see the words she was trying to put to print. When she had made the decision Miranda was quick to interject that it would only be temporary. In that moment she could only give her a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes. The decision to leave though had not been easy. Her work acted as a distraction, gave her something else to focus upon instead of the diagnosis she had been given. But yet the chemo was taking its toll on both her mind and body.

"Morning." A voice pulled her away from her thoughts and as her wife shifted their position upon where they laid in bed. Andy merely snuggled closer, resting her head upon the other woman's chest allowing the steady beat of a heart to calm the racing thoughts of her illness. She revelled in the feeling as Miranda's arms closed back around her and that was how they stayed for a few minutes, as was so often the case most mornings now. It was a subconscious action that had become the norm in recent days.

"We should get up."

"We should." However Miranda made no movement do to leave the warm embrace she was in. She never wanted to let go. She tried to do savour such moments, especially when she could feel how fragile the woman had become since starting her treatment. She placed a light kiss upon her head and smiled when the woman attempted to snuggle in further. In the end, knowing she would have to be the one that finally moved, Andy forced herself to roll away from the fashion editor. She regretted the action immediately as darkness swam at the edge of her vision and the head rush from switching to a vertical potion intensified the pain in her skull. As she rested for a moment at the side of the bed she knew Miranda had turned over slightly and was watching her profile. She looked over her shoulder and gave her a smile to let her know that all was fine. The Editor no longer questioned the woman on how she was feeling, trusting her to instead tell her if it was going to be a good or bad day. Miranda reached out and took her hand to place a kiss on top. She then smiled back as her mind caught up with what day it was.

"It's Saturday, no chemo."

"No chemo" Andy returned with a grin. She got up and made her way to the bathroom. Her wife's eyes were once again upon her, watching and waiting for any signs of discomfort. As she happily moved around the bed, she gestured for the older woman to follow. Miranda was soon moving herself. Today was going to be a good day she had decided.

* * *

The following Monday was a day Miranda would rather forget. She had put in 12 hours at Runway. As Roy pulled away from the curb she allowed herself to relax into the seat as she tried to forget the stresses of the day. The morning was spent on layouts, a disastrous run-through and a particularly difficult meeting with Irv. The afternoon proved to be no better when she visited some up and coming designers who so far had left her uninspired. She had purposefully been keeping herself busy, not wanting to be thinking of those daylight hours when she wasn't by Andrea's side. She knew the woman had been struggling since she had to step away from doing the work she loved. Miranda on the other hand though was finding it more and more difficult to want to even go into the office. She might be at the pinnacle of her career but her wife's illness had put things into perspective. She was beginning to realise that the gruelling hours were no longer worth the sacrifice to her family life. The attention she once craved from the fashion elite was no longer desired as it once was. No, she wanted more of those hours where she gave Andrea her undivided attention. Hours where they would lie upon the sofa talking about everything and everything. Hours spent with Andrea in her arms as she fell asleep spooned against her frame. Despite the darkness her illness cast over them, their relationship was strengthening and growing and she couldn't help but smile as the town car eventually pulled up in front of her home.

Bidding Roy goodnight she climbed the steps and made her way inside. However she was surprised to be met with silence. She knew the girls were staying with a friend but still. Ever since being forced to stop working Andrea had been in the habit of settling herself downstairs, whether it be in the study with some music on or sat in the entranceway with Patricia to wait for her to come home. Miranda always let her know when she was on the way, so for her wife not to appear was slightly disconcerting.

Cara, as she did so often when she arrived home, emerged from the kitchen down the hallway.

"Good evening Miranda, dinner is already for you."

"Thank you, have you seen Andrea?"

The woman looked dubiously towards the stairs. " She's in your bedroom. She went upstairs to freshen up but that was a while ago. I did go up to check on her but she said everything was fine."

Miranda frowned a little.

" I'm sure it is, I'll go and see her now. I will see you tomorrow Cara."

"Goodnight Miranda."

As the older woman made her way through the house she began to puzzle over why her wife hadn't' made an appearance. Her mind briefly flashed back to the first time she found Andy after her first chemo treatment, however when she spoke to her earlier she insisted that she was feeling fine except for a little tiredness. It was then she wondered if the younger woman had perhaps just fallen asleep. Yet that little thread of anxiety pushed her towards the bedroom just that little bit quicker.

She was greeted with an empty space. However, upon closer inspection she saw the sliver of light glowing from beneath the bathroom door.

"Andrea?" She knocked softly but was greeted with no answer.

"Andrea, darling. Can I come in?"

There was still no response but she did hear a sniffling sound. She turned the knob and stepped in. There was her wife, sat on the edge of the tub, hair brush in one hand, the other clasping something she couldn't quite make out. She had tears streaming down her face, yet despite the evident weight loss and tiredness etched upon her body Miranda still found her beautiful. She waited, choosing not to move closer until Andy was ready.

Hearing the older woman enter, Andrea quickly tried to brush away the tears. However they continued to fall as she looked up at her wife and held up her hand. It was then Miranda saw what she was clutching. Hair. Lovely brunette tresses she herself had spent so many times running her fingers through.

"Andrea..."

"I knew it was possible, Dr Gulden said it was a common side effect after all but still..." She shrugged her shoulders before wrapping her arms around herself. She thought it was something she was prepared for but she obviously wasn't when she had seen the strands fall out before her and immediately burst into tears.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this Miranda. You must think me so silly."

"No." The Editor was firm is her response.

Andrea cast her eyes back down to the floor

"I'm crying over hair for heavens sake! You must hate me."

"No." Miranda was louder this time, her voice rising in defiance at her wife's words. Andrea was so wrong. Even now, with her face red from crying and her body seemingly defeated, Miranda found her perfect.

"I don't hate you." It was whispered so softly that she isn't sure the younger woman had heard her.

"I don't hate you." She repeats, making sure the words are carried across the room. Andrea lifts her head up to look at her. The disbelief look in her face saddens the Editor further.

"You don't hate me?"

At that Miranda closed the distance between them. Settling herself in front of the woman she loved, she reached out and brought her hand up and tenderly cupped Andrea's cheek, her thumb lightly tracing the skin underneath.

"I speak only the truth Andrea. You are beautiful and I love you."

She gently shook her head in denial.

"You can't, you can't. Not when I am like this."

"I do darling." Miranda was now smiling. She needed Andy to understand, to accept her words for fact.

"But I'm sick and putting you and the girls through all of this..." It almost broke Miranda seeing her usual strong wife full of so much self doubt. With both her hands on either side of her face, she gently urged Andrea to look at her directly.

"I love you Andrea Sachs. You are strong, caring and absolutely wonderful and I love you. I will continue to love you even if your hair falls out. I will continue to do so even when you are up all night sick or when you are too tired to get out of bed."

She brushed away a tear that appeared on Andy's cheek.

"Above all else, I love you, no matter what." She leaned forward and kissed her wife deeply. She had meant every word, never had she been more sure of anything in her life.

When she pulled back, Andrea wrapped her arms around Miranda's strong shoulders. She didn't think she'd be able to live without this: this extraordinary feeling of holding Miranda, breathing her scent. She could feel lips ghosting across her skin before meeting her own. She soon realised that she had had a moment of foolishness, she should never had doubted her wife.

"I love you Miranda, I love you, I love you..."


	9. Chapter 9

**It took a bit of time but alas another chapter...As usual, all mistakes are my own. Enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Miranda leaned her arms against her desk, her head downcast and breathed in deeply trying to relax tense muscles. The newspaper that Nigel had placed on her desk was still there lying open, taunting her almost. She had to call Andrea before she herself heard the news elsewhere. Her wife's illness was no longer a private matter between themselves, it was now tabloid fodder for all the world to see and she was furious. There were a couple pictures of them coming and going from the hospital with half a page dedicated to the details of what was happening. They may have had the decency to offer up their wishes for a speedy recovery but it did nothing to mollify the Editors anger. She would call Leslie once she had spoken to her wife and make sure a price was paid for those who had dared invade the privacy of her family.

* * *

That afternoon, as Roy weaved the car through New York traffic, Andrea sat pensively next to her wife looking out at the passing scenery as they made their way to the hospital.

"It will be fine darling, Leslie has assured me those responsible will be found out."

Andy slowly turned to look around to where Miranda sat. She knew the Editor had spoken but was embarrassed to admit she had been paying little attention to what was being said.

"Hmm?"

The older woman reached across the space between them and took Andy's hand into her own.

"I was telling you about my phone call with Leslie, however from the far away look you had on your face just a minute ago I am inclined to believe you mind was focused elsewhere."

Andrea chewed the inside of her lip, not wanting to answer immediately.

"As usual you are right...I was. " She gave her wife a brief smile as she faltered over her words, not sure how to express what it was she was feeling. In the end she decided the direct approach was the best option, there was no point in trying to hide from Miranda. She knew the woman would find an answer one way or another. She turned to look back out of the window, not wanting the Editor to see the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I'm worried what the scans will show."

Traffic laws be dammed, Miranda undid her seatbelt and closed the gap between the two of them. She placed a tender kiss to the Andy's forehead as she watched the tears escape.

"Darling there is no point in fretting over the unknown." The younger woman leaned into the soft touch of her wife's hand as it stroked her cheek and she put her own above it to keep it in place.

"You may say that Miranda but we can't kid ourselves. I think we both know things have only gotten worse, not better."

There were tears threatening to spill from both of them. The Editor couldn't stand it. For once she was powerless.

"I can no longer see you properly Miranda! You're blurry and I hate it!"

"Andrea..." There really was nothing she could say. Instead she could only ensure her wife that she was there and not going anywhere. She leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Andy's lips, waiting their until it was returned. The younger woman wrapped her arms around Miranda, resting her head in the crook of her neck, feeling the strong pulse just the under skin. She shivered at the warmth breath against her skin. Took comfort in the words spoken

"I love you Andrea. I'm here."

* * *

They sat in silence, as they waited for Dr Gulden. Miranda had picked up the fragile hand of her wife in her own as soon as they had settled themselves. Andy glanced down at the tight grasp but didn't say a word. It was the only sign of nervousness Miranda displayed, all be it not knowingly.

After a few minutes the door opened. Miranda knew there were times in ones life when things just slowed down and she was realising that this was now one of those times. As soon as Dr Gulden took up position behind the desk she was examining the woman for any signs of what may about to be said. She immediately saw there was a look of hesitancy in her eyes.

"Andrea," Dr Gulden offered them a gentle smile as she began.

"I've had some time to go over the images and I'm afraid it's not the news we were hoping for. The scans have shown no signs of improvement. "

Andrea closed her eyes and Miranda squeezed her hand tighter. This was not what they had wanted to hear even though they had both feared the worst. As usual when she heard something she didn't like, Miranda rallied against it.

"So what is the next course of action? I already assume you have an idea and are prepared. This is a world renowned specialist hospital after all, incompetence is not an option."

If Dr Gulden was taken aback by the iciness in the Editors voiced she didn't show it. She knew she was reacting in protectiveness of the woman she loved.

"I would like to start a more aggressive and intensive treatment plan..."

The words floated past Andrea as if she were in a dense fog. She could hear them but her own thoughts drowned everything else. She registered that the talking had finally stopped and looked to see that Dr Gulden had left the room. Her gaze then locked onto her wife. The sadness in Miranda's eyes was indescribable. It was a sadness Andy had only seen once in her life and wished she'd never ever have to see again. It was made even worse by the fact that she'd been the one to put it there once more.

She turned and practically threw herself at the Editor, placing her lips on Miranda's in a fervent kiss.

"Promise you'll still love me," she sobbed. Miranda was now confused.

"Andrea what on earth are you talking about ?"

"I'm sick and i want you to know that it's not me, that whatever treatment Dr Gulden has planned and the side effects isn't me. I won't be myself, so i need you to promise you'll still love me, no matter what."

Miranda pulled Andrea into her arms.

"Of course i will, I promise my darling"

"You won't forget ?"

The Editors heart clenched at the words.

"I won't forget."

Miranda meant it. There would be no hiding or turning her back on the one person who she she had given herself to so completely. The older woman could only hold onto her wife as she buried her head into the softness of Andrea's long tresses.

"This is us fighting this fight Andrea, It's you and me. That's what I'm fighting for my love. You and me. I won't forget, I promise."

There was also the simple fact the she refused to contemplate a day when Andrea would be absent from her life. The younger woman finally let the tears she had been trying to keep at bay fall.

"I believe you."

* * *

Miranda sat down on the edge of the bed and gently caressed Andrea's face. Following their return from the hospital they had come home and retreated upstairs. Whilst her wife, from sheer exhaustion had fallen asleep almost immediately, Miranda had been able to do nothing but sit and think.

As her caresses continued, brown eyes soon fluttered open and looked at her with such feeling. Leaning down, Miranda kissed her love gently on the lips. They remained in silence for a few minutes simply enjoying one anthers presence until Miranda finally spoke up.

"You need to call your parents Andrea." Her voice was calm, displaying none of the unease that usually came from discussing the Sach's.

"You need to call them and tell them what is happening, especially after the press today. Despite everything they are your parents and you're still their daughter and they deserve to know."

"Okay."

" You will?" Miranda couldn't help the slight surprise in her voice. She really thought Andrea would put up more resistance at the suggestion.

"I'll call them. I just want you there next to me when I do." Miranda leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to her wife's forehead

"I'll be wherever you want me to be."

"Next to me. Always..." With that Andrea's eyes began to flicker shut and after a few seconds she once again drifted into slumber. Miranda remained next to her, ever her watchful protector.


	10. Chapter 10

**Its been awhile but alas! Another chapter for you all. As usual nothing belongs to me except for any mistakes. Enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Andrea sighed as she pulled herself up into a standing position. She regretted the move instantly as her vision swayed and she struggled to stay upright. Miranda was quickly by her side, allowing the women to lean on her for support.

"I'm fine," Andrea murmured as she consciously slowed her breathing and attempted to calm her body to steady herself.

"Are you sure about this Darling? We can always wait until later when you'll likely feel better."

"No," Andy shook her head vehemently. " I need to get this over and done with."

"Alright then." Miranda had to agree. The sooner this was over, the less stress there would be for both of them. Determined as ever Andrea set herself straight, took Miranda's hand in own and began walking forward to make her way downstairs.

* * *

Andrea stared at the back of the women in front of her. She was staring so intently at the numerous photographs displayed upon the wall that she hadn't detected their presence as they had entered the room. The young woman swallowed in apprehension, readying herself for whatever was about to come. She felt a squeeze on her hand and looked across at her wife. It was a simple action to remind her that she was there.

"Mother."

Elizabeth Sachs immediately turned upon hearing the voice of her daughter. She did not speak. She merely looked at her daughter, piercing brown eyes sweeping over her before finally they settled on her face.

"Andy..." She all but whispered the name before the older woman moved forward and swept the girl into her arms. Andrea merely stood frozen on the spot, almost shocked. It was the first form of physical contact she had had from her mother in nearly six years.

Elizabeth was the the first to speak. "Why don't we both sit down and talk." She had taken Andy's hand and attempted to lead them off away from the Editor. However the young woman looked back to where her wife stood. She wanted her to come to, she did not want to have to do this alone. She needed Miranda's strength, courage and energy to deal with the conversation that was about to take place.

"We can all talk here." She gestured for Elizabeth to sit in one of the side chairs whilst opting to take the couch for herself. Soon enough she felt Miranda come to sit next to her and heaved an internal sigh of relief.

"Why didn't you call sooner, I'm assuming whatever is happening has been taking place for awhile." Elizabeth's gaze swiftly turned to Miranda.

"I can only assume that you had something to do with it. Were you even going to call anytime soon?"

The Editor immediately tensed up but before she had a chance to respond Andrea beat her to the punch.

"Don't Mother! Of course it was going to be soon. However in case you forgotten I haven't had much desire to pick up the phone and speak to you in recent years. And before you even think about trying to put the blame on Miranda, it is she who has been attempting to convince me to contact you ever since this all started."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, not quite expecting such a tone. Miranda withheld the temptation to smirk. Now was not the time for point scoring between herself and elder Sachs.

"I see..." Elizabeth was thoughtful with her next question. She knew her daughter was sick, that much was evident and she had read snippets in the media. However there were no details and she needed to know.

"What exactly is your condition?"

Now Andrea grimaced, unsure about how to explain it all. She decided that it was better to just provide her mother with the facts. Pulling Miranda's hand into her own she gathered the courage to recite what they knew.

"I have a brain tumour, it's wrapped itself around my brain stem making it virtually inoperable. I've had an intensive treatment plan set out and i began my second course of treatment a couple days ago after my scans showed no significant improvement."

If Elizabeth was shocked, she showed no sign of it.

"I had better call your father, convince him to come to New York."

"That won't be necessary mother." Andrea glanced to her side where her wife was looking at her curiously.

"I have Miranda, the girls, friends. You and Dad don't need to be here." She turned back, waiting for Elizabeth to agree. Instead the older woman leaned forward, attempting to wrap Andrea's hand into her won.

"But we're your family. You need us..."

"No!" Andy quickly rose from where she stood, the action leaving her momentarily dizzy. Miranda was soon by her side helping her to steady herself. The younger woman flashed her a reassuring smile before turning back to face her mother.

"I'll make sure you and Dad are kept up to date but I don't wish for you to be here."

Elizabeth herself stood.

"Andy please. I'm sorry."

"NO! I needed you 5 years ago when I married the love of my life. Instead you disowned me and said some terrible things in the process. You hurt me and you disrespected Miranda and our family. Do you think that I could just forget none of that happened?"

Miranda remained silent. She knew her wife needed to vent her anger, she just hoped she didn't over exert herself in the process. Elizabeth however just seemed bewildered by her daughters feelings.

"Andy that isn't the issue here, you're sick. You need your family."

"You just don't get it do you! Let's be honest, if It wasn't for the fact that I have this thing inside my head would you even be here right now? If I had just called you up to talk we both know nothing would have changed. You would still feel the same, am I right?"

Elizabeth shifted her focus to the floor, her arms now at her side. Her actions were enough for Andy to know the truth.

" Miranda is my family, I love her and the girls and that isn't going to change. So unless you are willing to accept that and apologise for your past actions there's nothing left for us to say to one another."

Elizabeth all but nodded as she moved to take her bag from the floor and leave. However she stood in front of Andy and placed one last kiss to her daughter's cheek.

" I still love you Andy, please just keep me and you father in the loop about what is happening." With that the older Sachs left the room without a second glance at the other woman in the room. At the sound of the front door closing, Andrea practically fell into the arms of Miranda and finally let the tears fall. Exhaustion was taking over

"I've got you my Darling, let it out." Even now Miranda remained furious at how her parents had treated her beloved. And yet it was also for her sake that she had done nothing, despite how much she may have wanted to.

* * *

Later that afternoon Miranda once again found herself staring at her wife as she slept. It had become a ritual. The steady rise and fall of her chest almost a reassurance that her Andrea was still there alive and breathing.

She softly brushed locks of hair back from Andy's forehead and watched them flutter back down. The Editor watched her face, waiting patiently. It was as she waited that a sad frown pulled at her lips.

She did not regret falling in love, or allowing herself to become so devoted to another person. It just hurt so much now. For the first time since everything happened and more so since they had had the results of the scans, Miranda finally gave into her tears and whispered the very fears that had been plaguing her mind.

"I don't want to be left behind Andrea. The very thought of you leaving, me having to let go...I don't think I could survive."

Although the younger woman remained asleep, it was almost as if she sensed her wife's distress. Even in slumber her grip on Miranda's hand tightened. She was still there, still fighting for them both.


	11. Chapter 11

**Another chapter for you all. As usual nothing belongs to me except for any mistakes. Enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

It was Thanksgiving and Miranda was busying herself going in between the kitchen and the living room. Andrea had only wanted a quiet day with herself and the twins. They had opted to make dinner all together and so it had turned into an unexpected day of both laughter and messiness as they had all pitched in. With the last of the preparations done Miranda had ended up shooing her girls away so she could try and make her kitchen resemble the room it was meant to be.

Now as the Turkey finished cooking in the oven the woman found herself lurking in the doorway, a hand across her heart as she observed the scene in front of her. Andrea was asleep on the sofa, the effects of the second round of chemo more evident than before. In the last few weeks the woman she loved had become withdrawn, quiet and oh so still. It was the complete opposite of what Miranda could remember. Her Andrea had always been so lively, exuberant almost. She would become excited about the littlest of things and find joy in in whatever she could. She had become a shell of her former self since this had all begun, so to see her happy and having fun with the girls as they had attempted to prepare dinner had left her feeling the happiest she had been for weeks. Today had simply been wonderful.

Andrea currently had her head resting on a pillow which had been propped up against Caroline's lap. Cassidy was sitting in front of them on the floor, one hand however was entwined with that of her stepmothers. Ever so often she would turn her head up slightly to check Andy was still resting peacefully. Miranda was unwilling to enter the room and break up the peace that had settled over its occupants. Instead she retreated back to the kitchen, a lone tear making its way down her face.

* * *

Miranda stood on the rooftop staring out at the city she called home. She had always thought New York was most beautiful at night, when darkness fell upon the hectic avenues and a rainbow of billboards and neon lights filled the view. However there was just something more magical about it in the winter and especially during the holiday season. The snow was slightly falling and seasonal lights twinkled in the shadows up and down the streets. She let out a breath and watched as the whispers of white dissipated into the air. It was a reminder that she was human, vulnerable, and capable of great love and fear.

She didn't have moments like this often. These rare and precious moments in between daily living. Quiet moments where she was left to her thoughts. At Runway there was always another a problem to fix or her input was needed on something. At home the twins were often yelling and stomping around like teenagers do. Now her time was taking up with making sure her wife was doing ok. Andrea...In recent years these moments were spent counting the blessings her life had brought her. There wasn't a day that passed when she wasn't grateful the two of them had found their way back to one another. Now she was plagued with thoughts of it all being taken away from her. She wished she had spent more time with Andrea doing so many of the things she had taken for granted.

She felt her eyes water, and she gritted her teeth as she cast her head up heavenwards. The possibility of Andrea's death weighed heavily on her mind. The thought was almost inconceivable and while she would usually fight her way through the impossible, this was one battle Miranda was unable to wield her power upon and come out victorious. It was Andrea's, and Andrea's alone and so far all indications suggested she was on the losing side.

As the minutes continued to pass Miranda remained staring out at the city. Her serenity was only disturbed when she heard the crunching of footsteps crossing over the freshly fallen snow on the rooftop.

"Are you sure you should be up here?" Miranda really didn't want her wife over doing it, especially given her vulnerability and the frigid cold temperature outside. Her cheeks were already pink from the chill but yet all Miranda could think about was how adorable the young woman looked in her blue knitted beanie hat surrounded by a thick quilt she had been given years ago by her beloved grandmother.

"I'm fine. Anyway I missed you when I woke up."

Andy moved to wrap her arms around the Editor's neck while Miranda protectively wrapped hers around the younger woman's waist. With their bodies perfectly moulded together, the two of them gently swayed to a song only they could hear. Andy moved to nestle her face into the crook of Miranda's neck._She_ breathed in the familiar scent that was her wife before letting out a contented sigh. It was the one place where she always felt safe and she didn't want to think of a time when she would never have that. Yet when faced with the fragility of her own mortality, she could only think about the things she would leave behind when her time upon this earth was up.

Almost sensing her melanchony, Mirand tentatively reached up with one hand, sliding her fingers along Andrea's cheek before connecting their lips in a fiery and intense passionate kiss. After a few minutes the Editor pulled away slowly, blinking her eyes open to look at the beauty before her. Andy had her eyes squeezed shut and tears were trailing slowly down her face. Miranda reached out to wipe them away from her cheeks with her thumb, her faced etched with nothing but concern.

"Darling, tell me what's wrong."

Andrea didn't know where to begin. She had had nothing but time to think about everything since the two of them had left Dr Gulden's office with the news they had feared. As the days past and she became weaker and weaker, she desperately tried to fight a battle she was coming to accept she had no hope in winning. Now how could she tell the woman she loved that she had all but accepted her fate. That the tide was against her and no matter how hard she fought she was ready to let things run there course to whatever end. If only she had more time...

"Miranda," Andrea whispered, stirring the air between them.

"In case something happens to me, I want you to know that I—"

Eyes flew wide open and Miranda's hand shot out to cover Andrea's mouth, stopping her from completing a sentence she could not bear to hear.

"Don't! I don't want you to tell me goodbye."

"Miranda, please..."

Andrea was cut off as the Editor leaned down and kiss her.

"Please don't say it." Miranda had brought her hands up to rest on either side of her wife's face.

"Sweetheart I need to say it and think you need to hear it." Andrea's hand rested up against the Editor's chest as she looked into tear filled eyes. Her wife had always been the strong one. Before her illness she could count the number of times she had witnessed Miranda crying on her hands. Now it seemed like a day didn't pass by when they weren't both shedding tears.

"Miranda I'm dying...

"No." The older woman said with a shake of her head.

"No?

" You don't get to leave me again, you can't. No one else makes me feel the way you do. You make me whole. I don't want to go back to living without you. Not again. I won't."

Andrea took a deep breath as she tried to figure out what to say. The evidence of her illness was there for them both to see. Her symptoms were only getting worse and no matter hard she tried to deny it, she was only moving closer to the end. As far as she could see It would take all but a miracle now to save her life. Yet here Miranda was still fighting for them both. How could she think of just giving up..

"Miranda please, I will do everything in my power to stay here by your side for a very long time but if the worse were to happen then I don't want you to mourn me forever. Move on with your life, find happiness and watch the girls grow older."

"Andrea we are not talking about this."

"Yes we are my love because these things need to be said. And I'm telling you if anything happens to me and I fall into a coma I don't want to be kept alive if there's no hope. You and the girls need to move on without me."

"I can't..."

"You have to Miranda, you've got so much left to give."

Miranda could no longer hold back the sobs. She cried in Andrea's arms as the younger woman could only whisper that it would be alright. Yet she was breaking inside herself at seeing her fearless Editor like this and knowing there was nothing she could do to fix it. Her life was now in the hands of science and whatever fate had in store for her.


	12. Chapter 12

**So another chapter at last. No excuses for why it's taken so long it just has. I can however promise another over the weekend and regular updates from now on though. As usual it's un beta'd so all my mistakes are my own...Enjoy**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

" So you're saying there's been no change?"

Miranda tightened her grip on Andrea's hand when the questioned left her lips. It was a new year but it hadn't brought her wish.

Elaine Gulden looks nothing but apologetic and frustrated.

"I'm sorry." She sighs, she really is. She liked Andy, she saw the bond between her and the Editor and wanted nothing more then to give them more positive news but just because things weren't looking the way she wanted them to, didn't mean she was ready to give up just yet.

"So what's our next move?"

Dr Gulden always admired Miranda's directness, her refusal to bow down even when confronted with the most hardest of circumstances. It gave her strength in her own determination to help the young woman sat in front of her, yet picking up the latest scan, she wasn't quite sure what the next move was for her patient.

"We still have another round of treatment, we can mix things up a little, change the cocktail and hopefully we'll see a difference."

"If we don't?"

Andrea can't help but ask the question and the silence that follows answers it for her.

"Right now the most important thing you need to think about is making sure you get some rest. Relax and take the time in between treatments to recuperate as much as you can. No over doing things."

The young woman just nods in response. It's not like she does anything else anyway now since she is unable to work. Her body wouldn't let her even if she wanted to. With her frustration more than evident, she leans across the divide between her and wife and lets herself sink into the woman's side. Miranda's response is automatic, her arm coming up to rest around her, cradling her as much as possible.

"I really wish it was better news. Call me anytime if you have questions or if anything changes." Gulden was quick to leave the pair of them alone. The two of them remain sat in silence.

* * *

Later that day Miranda took herself back to Runway for a couple hours after leaving Andrea at home resting. It had not been her intention but Doug had come by to see how his friend was getting on and Miranda had sensed Andrea had wanted some time alone with him. She welcomed the distraction that work would bring however after shutting herself away into the office her attempts at doing any had become futile. Her mind could not be taken away from events at the hospital that morning. The news had been unwelcome but as much as she tried to deny it, it had also not come as a surprise to her.

The Editor was becoming use to living with the fear now. It was almost like a constant companion. She tries to contain it when she's at home with the twins or when she's with Andrea but then there are times when it just manifests itself. Like now for instance.

She calls out to Emily and like always her faithful first assistant is there within seconds. She pretends to busy herself with the photo's in front of her but it's all for show. She has no interest in them.

"Yes Miranda?"

"Can you ask Nigel to come to my office."

The man in question arrives within a few minutes. He has his arms full with folders not sure what issue with the magazine the Editor wants to talk to him about. However it only takes one look for him to quickly ascertain that work is probably far from his friends mind in that moment.

Despite knowing one another for years it was rare for Miranda to directly reach out to him. When she did, he wasn't always sure how to navigate the situation. What he knew then however was that his friend was hurting, it was all but evident to see.

"How's Six?" He questioned carefully. He had wanted to ask how she was but knew he would be rebuked in seconds. Miranda was still dangerous when it came to talking about her feelings. Only one person could get away with being so direct and actually get a response that didn't end with a scathing remark.

"It's hitting her hard. She's getting weaker and the treatment..." Miranda turns to look out of the window. The snow had been gently falling all afternoon and was beginning to blanket the city once again. She could recall numerous snow days when Andrea and the girls had had to drag her away from her work to go outside to play with them. How she longed to see such days again.

She felt Nigel's hand, hesitant but reassuring come to rest on her shoulder. She takes comfort in the gesture. It gives her strength to voice the fear that has been plaguing her all day.

" Nigel I think Andrea has all but given up thinking that she'll survive this. I see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch. It's as if she takes in every moment now because she thinks it'll be her last. She's even talked about me moving on, as if I could..."

The tears behind her eyes are threatening to fall and and she moves to try and distract herself. This is not something she does, cry in front of anyone that isn't her Andrea.

"We should take a look,"she clears her throat.

"We should take a look at those photo's. James has disappointed with the latest shots ans we need to see if there's anything worth salvaging."

Nigel wouldn't let his friend off that easy.

"Miranda you can't give up even if Andy has. If there's the slightest chance she can make it through then you can't give up on that hope, it may just be enough to change the tide."

* * *

A couple of weeks later Andrea has taken up residence on the couch in her wife's study. It's not as if there aren't plenty of other comfortable places she could place herself but it is here, in this room she finds herself at peace. Her deteriorating sight meant she was no longer able to discern individual details of the room but it still filled her with warmth. She thinks it has something to do with the presence of Miranda in the room, it grounds her, provides her with an anchor of some sorts when the woman is not by her side.

Since the news from Gulden had been less than ideal, she found herself looking back and had been spending her days going through the family photo albums with a magnifying glass. Today Miranda and the girls had sat with her as they reminisced. It had been a day of tears, some of laughter and some sadness too.

She had decided to tidy the room and place the albums back in their resting places whilst she waited for Miranda to return from dropping the girls off at a sleep over. It's when she's reaching up to to a shelf above her that the throbbing pain she has become so accustomed to behind her eyes, intensifies. She blinks once, then again in the hope that it will help clear it but the pain remains and her head feels like it might explode. She slowly walks a few steps backwards and blindly reaches out for the blanket she knows is behind her on the couch but yet she can't find. It feels like the temperature has suddenly dropped even though there's a roaring fire lit that's been burning all afternoon. She takes a deep breath as she tries to focus on the feeling of the floor beneath her feet and steady herself but it's a useless attempt. Her body sways sideways and then there's only blackness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi all, not the weekend update I had hoped for last week but a chapter none the less. I promise they'll be regular though. As usual all mistake are my own. Enjoy...**

* * *

** Chapter 13**

"Andrea! Oh god, Andrea!"

Miranda had come home expecting to find her wife tucked up on the sofa, however when she had returned to the study the woman she loved was instead lying on the floor. She's moved across the room and dropped to her knees in a heartbeat

"Andrea!"

Her voice comes out strangled as she tries to process the sight in front of her. The younger woman is deathly pale and still, so still. She reaches a shaking hand forward and places two fingers against her neck. A small amount of relief flows through her as she feels a pulse under the clammy skin. It's short lived when she feels the rest of Andrea's skin as she gently brushes the hair away from her face. The woman lying in front of her is burning up, not reacting to the Editors touch or her pleas to open her eyes.

She blindly reaches for the phone that is resting near bye and is quick to bark orders when the emergency call connects. Next she fires off a message to Emily simply stating she was going to the hospital and to deal with any problems relating to Runway. After she can do nothing but wait until the paramedics arrive. She gently takes her wife into her arms, holding her close, protecting her.

"I've got you darling, you are going to be just fine."

She pleads for Andy to open her eyes.

"Come on my love, you know I don't like to be kept waiting. Open those beautiful eyes for me."

Andrea remained still.

* * *

Miranda's world turned into a blur, she had barely registered their arrival at the hospital and it wasn't until she felt the hand of a nurse guiding her through some doors away from Andrea that she came back to her senses.

"No I'm going with her!"

The nurse however was adamant that Miranda wasn't going to get through and easily blocked her attempts to get pass. The dragon inside her flared up.

"If you value your job within this hospital i suggest you let me pass and allow me to go to my wife now."

Before the situation could get out of hand Dr Gulden made her presence known. She had made her way down as soon as she knew her patient had been brought in.

"Nurse Hansen it's fine, let me handle this. Miranda please come with me." Elaine guided the Editor away from the chaos that was the emergency room to somewhere more private.

"I have to be with Andrea now!"

"Miranda as much as you like to think otherwise there's nothing you can do right now, you have to let the team see to her. I'm going to her now. Once there's any news I'll come find you. Until then is there anyone else you would like me to call?"

The Editor simply shook her head.

"Ok just wait here. Miranda i promise, we will take good care of her."

The woman didn't move. In fact she didn't acknowledge anything until Nigel came rushing through the door half an hour later.

"Miranda! How is she?"

Like she knew, no one had come in to see her and so she had been left to imagine the worst case scenario. All she wanted was for someone to tell her everything was going to be okay, to tell her that her life as she knew it wasn't going to end because the woman she was madly in love with was not going to die.

Unable to form a coherent sentence and answer her friend, she tried to process the events of the past hour. Her only thoughts now were of Andrea lying on the floor, her eyes retreating into darkness, pleas for the woman to wake up. It was a nightmare of images that wouldn't stop replaying in her head and as her body soon became racked with sobs. The Editor-in-chief found herself wrapped in Nigel's arms, the dread they both felt hanging in the air as they waited for any news.

* * *

Fear, it was all that was left as the minutes slowly went by and taking with it, the last glimmers of hope she had. Nigel seemed to be becoming as anxious as she was for news; he had started pacing up and down the room making her feel nauseous.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door to the waiting room finally opened and in stepped Dr Gulden. Before anyone had a chance to ask a question she jumped right in with what Miranda desperately wanted to hear.

"She's alive."

"Thank god." The older woman visibly slumped in the chair. A sigh of relief came from her body as she tried to get herself together.

"What happened to Andrea? Is she awake?"

Dr Gulden placed a chair in front Miranda so she could speak to her directly.

"Andy is at the moment still unconscious. She has an infection. The problem with chemotherapy is that it compromises the immune system. Unfortunately the result is that the body can't fight the most basic of pathogens. For now all we can do is give her antibiotics and fluids to help her."

"What about the tumour?"

Dr Gulden cast her eyes downwards.

"I'm afraid for now it's a waiting game at this point. Until we deal with the infection in Andrea's body it can't cope with the strain of anything else."

There was a tightening in Miranda's chest as she acknowledged the direness of the situation.

"Please can I go and see her."

"Of course, follow me and I will take you to her."

Miranda stood and then looked over to Nigel.

"It's ok, go to her."

Walking along the Editor tried to get herself together and hold back further tears. It was unsuccessful though once she had reached Andy's room and looked inside to where the young woman was lying. A multitude of wires and machines surrounded her and as Miranda made her way to her side she was careful not to touch or dislodge anything as she took a seat beside the bed and carefully took Andrea's hand into her own. Hands that were usually warm were now stone cold and it was only the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest that assured the Editor that the woman she loved was still indeed alive

Sitting there, Miranda for the first time in such a long time felt so helpless . This wasn't how the day was supposed to end, she was supposed to be curled up on the sofa in front of the fire with her wife. Instead here they both were, Andrea in a hospital room fighting for her life and Miranda clinging to her bedside now praying beyond hope that they would make it through. However if there was one thing she had come to realise over the years, it was that something's never worked out the way you wanted them to. She just had to hope that this was not one of those occasions; if she ever needed a miracle then now was the time.

Miranda placed a gentle kiss upon her lovers' temple before making herself comfortable in the chair, mentally preparing herself for the critical hours ahead for them all.


	14. Chapter 14

**Another chapter. Thanks to all of you who are still following this :)**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"You should get out of this room for awhile Miranda, get some fresh air or at least go home and sleep for a few hours."

"I'm not leaving her Nigel. I can't."

He sighed, running a hand down his face. He was worried for both his friends. Andy had yet to awaken and Mirand refused to leave the room until she did.

4 days had gone by. When he wasn't at Runway he was here, a silent bystander offering what little support he could. He noticed the Editor had taken to staring out of the window watching the layers of snow buld up on the city streets below. Winter had settled itself firmly upon the city and would not relinquish its grip anytime soon. Spring seemed far off and he wondered what it would bring for all of them.

* * *

2:20 in the morning. Miranda found little sleep in the early hours. The monotonous sounds of machines beeping were in her view far worse then the loud carcophonous of noise that accompanied the hopsital during the day. The minimal sound meant she was left with little but her thoughts to dwell upon, thoughts that were cold and dark and filled with nothing but the worst case scenario. However during this hour she finally heard the voice she had been longing for. It was a small groan and at first she was going to brush it off as a result of her sleep deprived state but then then her her name was whispered from familiar lips.

"Miranda?"

The Editor rose from her chair to be as close as possible to Andrea as she could. She reached her hand forward, caressing the back of it down her wife's cheek before leaning down and placing a soft kiss upon her skin.

"This is a dream."

"Not a dream my darling, welcome back."

* * *

Miranda anxiously stood back as the Drs's checked Andrea over. Once they left she was immediately back beside her wife. Andy tilted her head slowly and moved her hand reaching out for the older woman. Without a word Miranda took it.

"How are you?"

"I should be the one asking you that darling." Andrea was having none of it as she pointedly stared at the woman she loved.

"I'm fine." The dark circles under the older womans eyes said differently and it pained Andy to see her like it, especially given she was the reason for it.

"Why don't you go home, I'll be ok here on my own for awhile and it's not as if i can go very far anyway."

"I'll go later."

"Miranda go home, go have a long relaxing bath, spend some time with the girls before they go to school and sleep in our bed for a few hours."

"It's not our bed without you in it Andrea. I'm staying here."

* * *

A few hours later Dr Gulden entered the room. Andrea had been drifting in and out of slumber and Miranda, true to her word, had not left her. Each time she had awoken there she had been, her watchful guardian. Even when the nurses has been in and out, she remained.

The occupants of the room were slilent as the patient was examined and all the necessary checks were carried out. When Dr Gulden finished filling out the charts she took a breath and sat across from the two woman. Andrea's grip on Miranda's hand tightened, she had a feeling what was coming but still there was difference between thinking and then actually being told.

"Andy we've had the results of your latest scans..." The woman in question jumped in before Elaine could finished.

"It didn't work did it?"

"No i'm afraid not." Miranda was quick to speak up.

"What the next step then?" There was silence as Andy and Dr Gulden briefly looked at one another, an action that wasn't missed by Miranda.

"We will be stopping chemotherapy indefinitely Miranda. Andy's body is not strong enough. It just simply isn't working anymore."

The Editor stood, the anger in her eyes evident.

"You're supposed to be the best! You can't just give up!"

"Miranda please, she's done what she can."

"No there has to be more that be can done!"

Dr Gulden sighs. She knew there was only one option left but it was whether it was what her patient really wanted.

"There's always surgery,"she admits painfully. "But i have to warn you that the odds are still not high. Even if Andy made it off the table, and that's a big if, there's a good chance we won't be able to avoid major damage to the brain. Just think about it before you make any decisions."

Dr Gulden stood and left the room. The remaining occupants left to ponder their next move.

* * *

Miranda stares off out of the window in front of her. A lone tear esacpes and falls upon the hand in her own which is tiny and frail.

"Please tell me you understand." Part of her does, she looks at her wife, she sees the exhaustion, the fragility but part of her is selfish too. She wants her to hold out for as long as she can, do everything that can possibly be done.

"Andrea there's a chance, a slim one i know."

"A slim one at best. Statistically insignificant."

"But still a chance..."

"Miranda ,I'm tired my love." It comes out in a whimper and with that the editor loses the last of her resolve to argue you anymore

"I know my darling, i know." And with that the decision is made.


	15. Chapter 15

**At long last another chapter, I know it has been awhile. To all of you who have commented, who are following this story or have favorited, thank you. ****I promise the next one won't be as long coming, m****aybe even this week if I am lucky. As usual all mistake are my own.**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

The longer time went on the more Andrea came to realise that there was more to dying then just pain.

"Six have you thought about this? Truly thought about this?"

"Nige how can you ask me that ? Of course I have. Surgery just isn't the best option" She tries to keep her temper in check, the throbbing behind her eyes has her out of sorts and her emotions all over the place. The last thing she wants to do is lash out at her friend, especially given what they are talking about. It was a decision she knew most of those she loved would find hard to accept and so to expect them to just remain silent on the topic was unlikely.

"There's a chance though...don't you owe it to Miranda and the girls to try?"

"It's not giving up Nigel. Do you really think that I want to leave her willingly, especially when I know how much pain my death will cause her. And the girls...They're still young Nigel, do you think I want to be one of those people so important for only a time, so special and yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory for them?"

"Of course I don't." He steps forward, taking her hand into his and squeezing it lightly. They remain there in silence until Andrea pulls him in to sit next to her on the bed.

"I'm not afraid of dying Nigel, it's the things I have to leave behind. Family dinners, the sound of their laughter, the touch of her hand..." She couldn't go on, the thoughts alone unbearable as she curled herself into the side of her friend.

"Nigel, do you think she'll ever be able to forgive me?" The fashion director pulled her in close, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

"Six, she already has."

* * *

"Miranda..." Jolting awake, the name slips from Andy's lips even though she knows the woman is not in the room. She's at home with the girls, spending a couple hours with them alone after she had sent them away to rest. They had spent the afternoon together as a family, Cassidy and Caroline filling her in on all the latest gossip from school whilst the Editor had sat next to her in relative silence. They hadn't told the girls of her decision and so they were their usual upbeat selves but although the younger woman had enjoyed spending time with them, it had physically and mentally drained her. Miranda had hustled them out of the room with a promise to return later on in the evening.

Now as she manoeuvred herself upright in the bed, the pounding in her head has suddenly returned fall force. It is excruciating, the worse she has ever felt and she blindly searched for the call button to attract the attention of someone. Her body was trembling when a nurse finally came through the door and she tried her best to not pass out from the pain.

"It hurts..." By now she is struggling for air, struggling to find any more words and she barely makes out the other bodies that have entered the room. The darkness is closing in as she finds herself pushed to lay back down on the bed. The voices are undistinguishable and all she wants now is her wife but as she tries to call out her words are lost as she loses consciousness and the pain is no more.

* * *

Miranda must have had Roy break every single traffic law rushing to get back to Andrea. She had been settling the girls down when she had received the call from Dr Gulden to tell her that the situation had worsened and she needed to get to hospital as soon as she could. Now she stood outside the room where her wife lay, desperately wanting to see her but mentally preparing herself as Andrea's current condition was explained to her.

"We've stabilised her, given her some more morphine for the pain so she'll be in out of consciousness. She needs to keep calm, not overexert herself, hopefully this will help her rest a little but..."

Dr Gulden struggled to maintain any of the usual professionalism that she was usually so adept at. "Miranda I can't lie...She's weak."

"I thought she had more time..."

"I'm sorry." It's all that Elaine can say, because that is what a Dr is supposed to say to a person who's loved one is dying in the next room but also because she means it.

"Her body is beginning to shut down, I'm afraid now it's just a matter of time, probably days."

It takes all of Miranda's strength to not crumple to the floor at the words.

* * *

The room is dimly lit but the Editor can see well enough to make out her love lying in the bed. As she moves closer she can just about hear her name being mumbled over and over again but she stops short of reaching out for Andrea's hand, instead she merely stares at it, willing it to move. Only when it twitches does she tear her eyes away, up to meet clouded brown eyes that were once so full of life.

"Miranda?"

The woman in question steadies herself before lifting her weight and so ever carefully lies herself down next to the occupant in the bed. She leans forward placing a kiss on a thin cheekbone before wrapping her arms around the woman she loved.

"I thought I had lost you."

"Never."

"I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"I'll always be here."

"That's not true."

Andrea turns so she's facing her wife.

"We can't live forever Miranda."

She tired, the Editor can tell. Her eyes are fluttering open and closed and her breathing is ragged when she tries to speak. However Miranda can't let her sleep just yet.

"I love you."

And then Andrea is kissing her and they can't stop, afraid that if they do it might be the last time. However, despite using every ounce of strength she has left fighting to stay awake, Andy's attempts are futile.

"Go my love, I'll be here when you wake I promise."

* * *

It's dark when Miranda's eyes flicker open, woken by the movement near the end of the bed. It turns out to be the nurse on duty and the Editor slightly raises her head in question.

"Her vitals are good and she's stable. She should be fine for the rest of the night." Miranda lets out a quiet sigh as she falls back against the pillow. She knows she won't be able to sleep anymore and so resigns herself to just lying there for the rest of the night. It comes as a surprise to her then when the body next to her shifts slightly

"Randa?"

"I'm here."

A few moments pass, there's silence again and Miranda thinks Andrea has once again fallen into slumber but she thinks wrong.

"Talk to me, I don't want to waste whatever time we have left together."

At first Miranda isn't quite sure what to say. She's never been one to talk about her feelings, after all she didn't become known for her 'Ice Queen' persona for no reason. However the more she thinks about it the more she realises that changed when Andrea came into her life.

"I never thought I would love someone like you darling, someone so talented, so wonderful, so beautiful. I never thought someone like you could even love me but here we are. I swore to myself that I wouldn't fall for you, I did everything I could not to, even pushing you away and yet I fell for you head over heels. It just wasn't until I met you that I finally understood what it really meant and then I fought for you."

She brings the pale hand in her own to her lips and kisses the finger where Andrea's wedding band sits.

"I'll be leaving you soon, sooner then I had hoped..."

"Andrea.."

"You got to speak now it's my turn."

And Miranda is silenced because although a part of her doesn't want to hear what her love has to say she knows she can't deny her.

"Leaving is what hurts and even though it pains me to know I'm leaving you, I know selfishly that by leaving I'll be gone and so won't feel it anymore. I just thought it would be easier than this but it's not..."

"Then don't leave me Andrea..." Miranda doesn't beg yet she's willing to for this.

"I'm tired, my body is fighting against whatever strength I have left inside me. Sometimes you have to leave."

"No you don't."

"I do."

"Fight for me Andrea. Fight for me the way I fought for you."

And finally Andrea looks at her, really looks at her, the woman she loves. Nothing has changed and yet everything feels different, just a bit off. Everything is confused and where Andy was once resigned to her fate she see's a window, a window of opportunity perhaps.

"I don't want to leave you Miranda."

"Then don't darling, fight for me..."


	16. Chapter 16

**I want to thank you all for your comments on the last chapter, knowing that so many of you are reading and enjoying the story no matter how sad it may be is great. As promised, another chapter all be it a slightly shorter one then normal. All mistakes are my own. Enjoy :)**

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**Chapter 16**

"Andrea I really don't see the point of this."

Miranda held the video camera with a slightly unsettling look on her face, as if this was the last thing she wanted to be doing.

"Well, there's just some things I've been thinking about."

Andy's hands fidgeted under the thin blanket as the Editor eyed her up lying in bed.

"I've thought of some things I want to say in case… well… in case you know."

"Darling don't talk like that..." Since her wife had agreed to go ahead with surgery Miranda had tried her best to be positive and that meant convincing Andrea that everything would be fine despite all the odds being stacked against them.

Andy caught her gaze as she cut the Editor off, hopelessness and despair shining out of her eyes. "Please, just… just do this for me, okay?"

There was a moment of stillness in the room, with only the beeping of monitors breaking the silence. Miranda could never deny her wife anything, especially something that could now very well turn out to be her last dying wish, so she relented and granted Andrea's request, switching on the camera and allowing her face to fill the small screen.

She sat next to her bedside as Andy talked, her wife leaving messages for Nigel, Emily and others knowing that she would likely never get the chance to talk to them again. It left Miranda with an ache inside her and ache so deep in her chest that it felt like her heart was being squeezed of all life. It grew more painful when Andrea moved on to the twins and her desires to be there when they grew up, graduated, found love...By the time she had finished Miranda could no longer contain the tears she had been fighting to keep at bay. Instead she let them fall as she curled up next to Andrea on the bed and counted down the hours.

* * *

The late afternoon found the winter snow blanketing the city streets. Andrea felt like the coldness from outside had managed to seep through her bones despite the warmth of her wife next to her. They had settled into a comfortable silence, content to just be there with one another, though they knew it was only a matter of time that they're solitude would be shattered. It turned out to be sooner then they had hoped.

A soft knock broke the silence and then the door opened to allow Dr Gulden to stride into the room. Miranda, who's eyes had never left her wife saw what little colour Andrea had in her cheeks drain to pale white. This was it.

"Okay, Andy we're ready for you. The nurses will be here to wheel you to the OR in just a tick, I just need to go over a few things first."

"Yes." Andy nodded vigorously, her mouth drying out almost instantly.

"It's going to be ok darling." Miranda's grip on her had had tightened, knowing very well that these could be the last few moments they had together.

Elaine checked everything she needed before writing down the last of her notes.

"Right that's everything, we're all set. I'll tell them to give you a few minutes. I'll see you down there Andy." She moved to leave the room but not before laying a gentle hand upon Miranda's shoulder. It was a small gesture but In that moment a silent message passed between the two of them. Elaine would do everything she could, Miranda just had to stay strong and hold on.

As Dr Gulden left the room, Andrea using what strength she had left manoeuvred herself so she was directly in line with her wife. She took both her hands into her own.

"Miranda, we both know there's a very real chance that I might not… make it through today."

She swallowed dryly before continuing.

"I left you a message with Nigel but I want to say this now, so you know, just in case. You are the most wonderful woman I've ever met and the fact that I've had the chance to be a part of your life and to have you love me is something that I find myself most grateful for. No one," she let out a breath, "no one has completed me like you have and our life... Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and thanks to you and the girls I can look back on a life that has been pretty fucking good so far."

Miranda let out a small chuckle as she moved her hand up to caress the side of Andrea's face_._

"Darling you brought me to life again. I know things were strained some times, but I want you to know that there was never… there was never even a second that I regretted or wanted things to change. I love you with everything that I am. Thank you for coming into my life, for taking the chance, for giving me the greatest happiness I've ever known. I wouldn't have had it any other way, you hear me? I wouldn't have had it any other way."

Andrea gently nodded as a sob broke out and she flung herself into her wife's arms. They clung to one another in desperation and were only separated when the nurses entered the room.

"Are you ready?"

Looking at Miranda, Andy took a deep breath, holding it in her lungs for a moment as if it was the last breath she would ever know, before letting it go and nodding.

"Yes. Yes, lets do this."

Miranda could only helplessly stand back as the nurses busied themselves with Andrea, transferring her to the gurney that would whisk her away. In what seemed like no time at all she was ready to go and Andrea felt the wheels below her start to turn. As she passed through the doorway she reached out for her best friend, her love, her very reason for being and after Miranda placed one last kiss upon her skin their hands slipped away from one another. Andy turned, took one last look at her wife and saw reflected in her eyes the courage and strength she had always admired.

Within minutes, Andrea had been taken away and wheeled to her fate, no longer in Miranda's line of vision. She was left to stare at an empty corridor, left to stand alone in an empty hospital room, with nothing to do, but wait.

"We're going to make it aren't we." It was a whisper spoken into the air, a statement not a question.


	17. Chapter 17

**Another chapter for you all. Apologies for any mistakes, bound to be some that I have missed. Thanks for all the reviews, you are all awesome.**

* * *

_**Chapter 17**_

Miranda was blankly staring at the wall in front of her. The clock to the left of her was being ignored, she didn't want to think about how long it had been since Andrea was wheeled away from her, didn't want to be staring at the hands wondering if that would be the moment in which her wife was taken from her. No, instead she just stared at the wall and tried to find what little comfort she could in the memories replaying over and over in her mind.

The truth was that she had never been with another who loved her with everything they had. But then Andrea came along, Andrea who loved Miranda with such intensity that it sometimes scared her, but then they would hold each other so close and her fears of not loving Andrea as much as she loved her would slowly drift away. She was her greatest strength but also her greatest weakness.

The Editor sometimes worried that she didn't tell Andrea how much she loved her enough, how much her simply being in Miranda's life meant to her. Andrea was more than just a chapter in her life, she was her life. Yes she had the girls but it wasn't the same. Andrea had brought back the light into Miranda's life when all she could see was darkness, she brought back the smile to her face but most important, she brought back the love and trust that she had lost for people. Being with Andrea was what had made her truly happy and she didn't want to lose that... a life without her... it was impossible, she had been there once before after Andrea had left in Paris and didn't want to go there again.

Miranda silently cursed the heavens above and the hell below. Her Andrea didn't deserve this; she would have given her soul to the devil himself if it meant that her wife would have been spared the pain she had endured these last few weeks.

* * *

Two hours have passed with no word. In some ways it made Miranda feel better, the old age saying of no news is good news echoes in her mind, then there's a knock at the door and for a second her heart sinks, it's too soon... However the familiar faces of Nigel and Emily cross the threshold and there are no words. Instead they take up residence beside Miranda. As Nigel sits he extends a hand, she takes it and the vigil continues.

* * *

It was approaching almost four hours. Miranda had never been the praying the type. If there was such a thing as a god then it was her belief they had abandoned her long ago. Instead she relied on making her own luck, controlling her own destiny but this time she had no power, she was an unwilling bystander who could only wait feebly for news on her wife. On this day she was bowing her head, a silent plea going round and round in her head, _please save her…_She willed that if such a higher power existed they would grant her this one prayer.

* * *

The hands of the clock had just passed five hours and Miranda had begun pacing. Nigel and Emily looked on powerlessly at the unfamiliar sight of their illustrious boss, usually so controlled yet slowly unravelling the more time went on. Words would be of little use. Instead the silence continued with only the sound of footsteps reverberating in the air around them.

* * *

It was approaching the six hour mark when Dr Gulden wearily entered the room in her scrubs and ended the vigil that had been taking place. She hesitated as she pulled off the scrub cap from her head and sat down in front of them. Miranda observed her every move and facial expression and couldn't help but think that there was a look of disappointment in his eyes. Miranda almost didn't want to hear what the words from her mouth were going to be.

_Come on darling, please…_

"She made it through the surgery…"

The Editor's head fell into her lap and a collective sigh echoed within the 4 walls of the hospital room. A glimmer of hope had returned. Miranda brought her gaze back up to Elaine knowing that there was more to be said.

"You all knew the risks going in and I am afraid the surgery wasn't without it's complications. Andrea suffered a haemorrhage, the bleed was brought under control but there's no telling if any damage occurred in our attempts to stop it. The tumour itself was removed but its size, the location… " The woman struggled get the words out.

Miranda's eyes bore into those of the Dr in front of her.

"Elaine what are you trying to tell us?"

"We got the tumour in its entirety but as a consequence there's high possibility that Andy will suffer from some form of permanent paralysis. Right now her condition is touch and go, she's sedated and in a medical induced coma so to allow the swelling on her brain to go down. Once we bring her out of it, it's a case of waiting to see if she wakes up and then assessing the extent of the damage."

Miranda could barely keep herself upright, Nigel had manoeuvred himself to her side so as to try and offer what little support he could in keeping her up. Emily was in the corner, silent tears They were all struggling with what they had been told.

_'__If she wakes up', 'Paralysis'_

The tightening in Miranda's chest was back.

"Can I see her?"

"She needs you. Come with me and I'll take you to her."

Upon reaching the room Miranda braced herself before going in, she tried to prepare herself the best she could but it did little to help her upon finally laying eyes on her wife. The prone figure lying in the bed almost a shell of the person she had been. She reached out a hand, gently brushing it along the side of Andrea's face. There was a stray strand of hair on the side of her head that had been untouched by surgery and Miranda tried to brush it away the best she could despite bandages in her way.

"Miranda…"

She had forgotten that Elaine was still in the room until she spoke and stood alongside her next to the bed.

"I don't usually hope for miracles, particularly in my line of work and not where there are none, but I believe with all my heart in the work I do and the choices I make. And I believe I've done the best I can for Andrea. The rest is up to her now."

Taking one last look at her patient, Dr Gulden resignedly left the room, leaving its occupants alone. Both she and Miranda were left with one thought in their minds.

_Had it been worth it?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello there...Sorry for the little wait for this chapter. Making the most of the summer and all that. Next chapter almost done and will hopefully be up within a week for you. Once again thank you for all the reviews and for continuing to stick with this. As usual all mistakes are my own. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 18 **

Miranda walked down the hallway to the room where her wife lay. Her expression, as it had been for days, was pained due to the emotional turmoil of sitting by Andrea's bed not knowing what the future held for them both. Today she was alone again. Nigel, Emily and Serena had all been by taking in turns to sit with her but unfortunately life went on. There was still a magazine to run and without Miranda there, they were all doing their best to manage the juggernaut that was Runway in her absence.

She took a breath before pushing open the door to the hospital room. As she was becoming accustomed to, her heart sank a little bit more when the room still revealed her Andrea, still lying there unresponsive. As she always did when here, she pulled a chair right up to the bed, took her wife's hand into her own and placed a tender kiss upon the skin.

"Andrea…I'm here darling."

Miranda lived on the hope that the younger woman could hear her voice, it was the only thing she had since the woman hadn't responded to anything since the surgery over a week ago. The only thing to greet her on a daily basis was the sound of monitors and the comings and goings of the hospital personnel. She was beginning to wonder how much longer she could go on like this.

* * *

Sleet mixed with hail coated the windowpane, making it impossible to gain a sense of time. Daylight had likely been and gone but Miranda kept her watch like she did every day. The only time she left was to go home, freshen up and spend a few precious moments with her girls. She and Andrea had been honest with them from the start about the tumor and Andrea's eventual decision to have the operation. However they hadn't gone into detail about what it had meant. The Editor knew they were old enough to probably understand everything but she didn't want them thinking the worse just yet. Her maternal instinct to protect her daughters was intense and she wanted her daughters for now to believe that things would still be ok; that Andrea just needed to sleep for a while and then everything would be back to normal. The problem was Miranda wasn't quite sure what normal would be for them from now on.

"Any change in her condition?" Nigel brushed of the remnants of winter as he took off his coat and pulled up a chair next to his friend. She shook her head.

"None at all, still the same. Elaine said that isn't a bad thing, she isn't getting worse but the fact she's not woken up isn't a good sign."

"Our Six is a fighter, just wait and see."

It was all Miranda could do as she sat and listened as Nigel gave her the rundown on what was happening at work. The board was getting unsettled with her absence but what was she to do. Andrea was her priority and she trusted Nigel and her faithful employees to manage without her for now and so far they had done admirably. Yet she knew Irv and the board wouldn't be mollified for long. Decisions were going to have to be made and soon.

* * *

Her lifeline. That was the simplest way of describing what Andrea was to her. As the days passed and Andrea's chance of recovering diminished along with them, Miranda was being pushed to her limits. It would be only a matter of time before she faltered, gave up herself.

"Andrea things aren't going too well…If you're going to wake up then now would be the time to do it."

The monitors remained the same and the figure in the bed was still motionless. Miranda may not have been a doctor but she knew the longer Andrea remained in a coma the less likely the chance would be of the woman ever waking up.

"Andrea darling, you have a life inside you. Can't you hear it calling?" The hand in her own remained limp even though the Editor willed her wife to squeeze it or just move a little in response to her voice, anything to give her some hope that she would come back to her.

As the minutes passed and things remained as they had been for days now, Miranda fell silent again. She leaned forward and kissed Andrea's lips, lingering there momentarily as memories fought themselves to the forefront of her mind. For now they were all she had.

* * *

Maybe she had slept through the night, maybe it was twilight all over again; it didn't matter. Miranda was long pass caring about what time in the day it was, it made no difference to her here.

As Elaine Gulden stepped into room, her unhappiness at seeing the Editor still in the same chair, eyes fixated on her comatose patient increased tenfold like it always did when she made her daily visits.

"Miranda…you really ought to go home, get some proper rest." It was a suggestion she made every day and one she knew would be ignored. Everyone who had been in to visit had requested the same thing of her and every one of them was immediately shut down.

"I made her a promise, I promised that this was our fight and that I would do anything and everything for her and that means staying here…" Her voice trailed off, the Editor recollecting the early days of Andrea's diagnosis when they had both still been hopeful about her recovery.

Elaine stepped further into room, grabbing the chair nearest to the door as she did so, so she could sit next to the older woman. She knew what she was about to bring up would not be what Miranda wanted to hear but she had a duty as a clinician to give her informed opinion.

She leant over in the chair, allowing her elbows to rest upon her legs and gathered her strength for what she was about to say.

"Miranda…it's been three weeks since we took Andy out of the induced coma and since then there's been little to no significant brain activity. I think we have to accept the fact that it is highly unlikely she is going to come back from this. We gave it our best shot… now I think the time has come for you and Andy's family to discuss letting her go."

Despite the devastating anguish she felt inside at such a thought, Miranda had been thinking about nothing else in the last few days. Turning to look at Elaine, she finally gave up.

"I think you may be right…"


	19. Chapter 19

**Another chapter for you. So sorry you've had to wait such a long time for an update. Hopefully won't be as long for the next chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

From the time she was a small girl, Miranda Priestly always equated marriage with hard work and compromise. She watched her parents work tirelessly for years and years to keep their marriage together and so she grew up with an understanding that marriage was no walk in the park and that any good marriage required dedication and effort. Hell she had tried and still failed when it came to her two previous unions.

She never expected that marriage could be like this though. Being married to Andrea had been the easiest thing she'd ever done. It had been like breathing, almost effortless. Yes they had their disagreements, even a few outright head to head heated arguments on occasion. However they always found themselves lying next to one another by the end of the day. To Miranda, Andrea simply was the best wife in the world. She was the woman who changed her life in every way, the woman who had seen her at her worst and stuck around anyway. The woman who never stopped making her laugh, who knew how to calm her down when she's anxious, who knew the best way to get under her skin. The love of her life, who she was supposed to spend the rest of her life beside: watching her smile and write, refusing to let her age, or anything really, hinder her from living her life as exuberantly and energetically as possible.

In the grounds of the hospital, Miranda stood outside in the greys of winter readying herself to say goodbye. A northerly wind was blowing through and a dusting of snow was just beginning to fall. Nigel was next to her, offering what little support he could to his friend

"I can't help thinking that I failed her as a wife."

Her words were clear, cold and without feeling.

Nigel turned to the side so he could face her, at the same time not quite believing the words he had heard.

"Miranda stop, there is nothing more you could've done," he said in her best soothing voice. "You did everything possible to try and help her, you stood beside her when she needed you the most and you loved her more than anyone could."

"But it wasn't enough was it? My love wasn't enough to save her."

For the Editor though it was true, she had hoped for her, even when she knew the odds were stacked against Andrea and everyone else had given up. Miranda was the one who would hold her tighter, try to comfort her when she was afraid; calm her down when she got angry and frustrated; when she felt like her body was betraying her. She prayed to a god she wasn't even sure she believed in because she was willing to do anything if it meant saving the woman she loved.

Nigel could offer no more words of comfort; he knew it would be futile. He knew his friend, he knew that no matter what anyone said to dispute her claims, she would still think she failed, that she was the one to blame for all of this. The universe just wasn't fair sometimes, Andrea was too young to die and yet here they all were counting down the hours before the end.

* * *

Miranda made her way back to the hospital room that had practically become her home. Upon entering the room she hesitantly took a seat opposite Elizabeth Sachs. Despite whatever ill feelings she had towards the woman, she was also a mother and thus she knew she had to call the other woman and get her on the next plane to say goodbye to her daughter. Andrea's father on the other hand was still not willing to put the past behind him for the sake of having the chance to say one last goodbye to his daughter. Guilt plagued the Editor's mind; despite being the reason for the estrangement between father and daughter, she wished the man could see beyond his pride. She knew there would likely come a time when he would realize his mistake, by which time it would be too late. Andrea had many times reassured her that she never regretted her choice to choose the Editor over her parents but it did little to ease the remorse she felt at the falling-out.

The two women both sit there in silence, the soon to be grieving widow and the mother mourning the loss of her daughter. Elizabeth turned to meet Miranda's gaze so suddenly that it somewhat startled her. She stared at the Editor intensely and exhaled, her shoulders slumping almost in defeat.

"I'm really sorry that I wasn't at your wedding. She's my daughter….I was supposed to be there for her. I wish I had been there. I'm so sorry." Her voice breaks on the last word.

"You're here now…"

"Yes but to say goodbye to my only daughter. It shouldn't be this way; no parent should have to watch their child die…" The elder women allowed her tears to flow freely.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do? We could wait, she may wake up tomorrow, maybe next week, we don't know?"

"Elizabeth…"

Miranda was tired both physically and emotionally. She had fought enough with Elizabeth Sachs over the last few years but no longer had it in her to do so again, especially in such circumstances. She was a mother, she could understand where the woman was coming from, how she must be feeling but she was also hurting too, grieving for the future she would no longer have with the woman she loved. She stood, walked to her wife's side and leaned over slightly to look at her as she lay still, a hand gently caressing her face as she did so.

"You've heard what the Doctors have had to say, she's gone…it's only the machines that are keeping her here and I know Andrea, she wouldn't want to live like this. She wouldn't want to be kept alive because of some false hope one of us may harbor. She only had the operation for me, she was tired and ready to let go but she fought because I asked her to, now I have to follow her wish and let her go no matter how much I wish I didn't have to. This is her choice, not mine…"

Miranda places a kiss upon Andrea's forehead before taking up residence on the chair next to the bed once again. They sit in silence, the sound of machines echoing between the four walls. It's only minutes later when Elizabeth finally speaks again.

"You're right…" It's then the sounds of sobs that breaks the monotonous beeping of machines.

* * *

Darkness had fallen when Elaine Gulden and another nurse stepped into the room. Nigel who had joined Miranda and Elizabeth in their vigil as the hours slipped by had taken up residence in the corner offering what support he could to his friends. No matter how long they had been given, no one would ever be ready to say goodbye.

"Miranda…" Elaine laid a gentle hand upon the Editors shoulder to get her attention.

"I need you to sign the papers." The nurse who had followed in behind Dr Gulden came to stand at her side, clipboard and pen at the ready. Miranda took one last look at Elizabeth, who with tears in her eyes nodded her agreement. She then held out her hands and took the papers as they were offered. In a matter of seconds the decision had been made with a stroke of a pen.

The nurse left the room and Elaine walked across to stand at the head of the bed.

"Are you ready?"

Miranda moved and gently laid herself down on the bed beside her wife as Elizabeth Sachs gripped her daughters hand in her own.

"No but do what you have to do."


End file.
